Every look and touch in a new relationship is so exciting, not to mention panic-inducing as your heart goes into overdrive. Your mind can play tricks on you, making you more anxious than any normal situation would typically. It can make you feel totally insane! Here are a few things to remember to keep your anxiety from overwhelming you when you’re in a new relationship.
- If he doesn’t Respond, he Didn’t Suddenly Lose Interest. People get busy – that’s just a natural part of life. It’s easy to freak out and think that they aren’t interested anymore when they don’t answer immediately, but don’t go to the extreme and think that your guy is ghosting when it’s really only been an hour or so. He’s probably just out living his life or something.
- You have to Figure Out How he communicates. Knowing someone’s love language is a great way figure out how to communicate with them. Does your guy enjoy quality time, talking things out, or does he recharge from being alone? Knowing this about him will help you communicate in the future and understand him as a person. Maybe he is actually showing interest in you but just in a different way.
- It’s not worth stressing About Something That Isn’t There. When you’re an anxious person in general, it’s really easy to let your mind run wild and dig in that vault deep in your mind marked “Insecurities! Do Not Open!” If you find yourself saying “what if…” when making up some ridiculous scenario like “maybe his phone got eaten by a bear” or “he met some supermodel so why would he be interested in me?” just take a moment and pull back for a second. Be logical and focus on what you know for sure to be true, not what could have happened.
- It’s important to Focus On What’s Relevant Now. We are all guilty of this to some extent but don’t blame this new guy for something that happened in your past. Not only is it unfair, it’s counterproductive and you’ll only self-destruct and potentially ruin a great thing.
- Simple Distractions Can Help You From Over-Thinking Things. If you find yourself obsessing, find something else to occupy your time. It can be hanging out with friends, learning a new skill, getting a new hobby, hell it can even be something less productive like bingeing a new show. Just do something (or anything) else so you aren’t staring at your phone obsessively freaking out.
- Figure Out Yourself Before Pointing The Finger At Another Person. As the saying goes, “check yourself before you wreck yourself.” It’s easy to point the finger at someone else and say something is wrong with them rather than looking inside. Maybe ask yourself why you’re getting anxious about this new relationship in the first place. Maybe figure out why this one thing about them bothers you so much. Maybe the stars aren’t in position for a new relationship right now. Whatever the reason, take some time to figure it out.
- This relationship isn’t the be-all, end-all. You started dating someone new. Great! Good for you! Just remember that doesn’t mean this is your only shot or that you’re going to die alone if something goes wrong in this one relationship. Bottom line is that you’re getting to know someone new and see if you want to spend more time with him. You have to take it one step at a time.
- Don’t Be Afraid To Open Up. Shy and anxious people tend not to share a lot personally. This would make it a bit difficult for someone to get to know you, especially if they can’t learn anything about you. I know it’s easier to build a wall and focus on the other person, but allow him to get to know you so he can see how awesome you are.
- Notice These Anxiety-Driven Thoughts and shut them down. Is your fear about this new relationship based in reality or is it fueled by your anxiety? I’m not saying to ignore all those red flags when something is actually wrong. It’s always good to talk out your thought process with your girlfriends because it’s nice to have a sounding board if nothing else, but don’t jump from A to Z. If you start to get anxious, notice those feelings and learn how to self-soothe. You don’t need someone else to tell you everything will be okay.
- Be Honest About It. Don’t bury your feelings. If all else fails, tell him what is bugging you, that way you don’t have to blindly guess about what’s going on. The worst that can happen is that he’s not feeling it and you can move on. Just learn to have fun in these new relationships rather than panic about what is happening.
