There’s no one formula that all happy couples follow since people are different and each relationship is unique. The only common factor is that all relationships are always a work in progress. Still, there are a few secrets to happiness that the best couples know and follow.
- They face their problems head-on. If you thought that happy couples don’t fight or are always in complete tandem with each other, you’re wrong. Happy couples still fight, but they fight fairly and proactively. They may agree to disagree or have an all-out brawl, but never is the fight dirty, violent or hurtful. They actively try to find a solution that works for both people, though admittedly that isn’t always possible. They also don’t take the fight to bed—a smile, a cuddle or a romp between the sheets helps diffuse the tension a lot.
- They make regular time for cuddling, hand-holding, and yes, sex. They may not be screwing like rabbits, but there’s always a slumbering chemistry between happy couples that takes but a look to spark into life. Even if they’re not having sex, they snuggle, cuddle and kiss to show one another regular affection. Physical contact, closeness, and intimacy are small but important cogs in the smooth running of a relationship.
- They know how to give each other space. If you thought that being joined at the hip is a good way to keep a relationship in good working order, it’s not. It’s good to be on the same plane of the important issues in life—think kids, finances, friends, family or the general running of a household—but everyone needs some “me” time as well. You might have different hobbies or a whole different group of friends, or it may be your differing ideologies about a few things. And that’s okay. You can be in love with each other and be happy to be together but like your time apart as well. Feeling stifled, overwhelmed, or completely surrounded by someone isn’t the ideal base for a relationship at all.
- They show their love for each other in big and small ways. Loving somebody doesn’t mean that you need to declare it to the world in grandiose gestures. It’s the little things that matter. Showing concern, caring, and lending a helping hand goes a long way in showing your love. If he cooks, you tidy up. If she cleans, run a laundry load. Does his back hurt? Give a gentle massage. Does her head hurt? Make a cup of tea or coffee to ease the stress. Give them a little time to pamper themselves too. Steal little moments of pleasure for each other and the joy will spread.
- They remain thankful and to each other. It’s easy to take what you have for granted, but love is at best a transient emotion that depends on chemistry, caring, and emotional bonds. If you’re no longer thankful for and to each other, the bonds tend to fray and that is very often the beginning of the end. Remember to count your blessing and express gratitude. Never forget how lucky you are.
- They apologize for mistakes they’ve made and hurt they’ve caused. Words hurt, as do actions, however inadvertent (or deliberate) they may have been. And if not healed in time, these emotional wounds tend to fester into something much bigger. If something your partner said or did has hurt you, be vocal about it and let them know. Sometimes, the other person doesn’t even realize. And if you were the erring one, a loving hug and a heartfelt apology are all it takes to begin the healing. Don’t try and justify yourself—first, apologize for the hurt you caused your partner. Then, if you need to explain the situation or the context, do so. Never assume that the hurt is immaterial because you didn’t mean to cause your partner pain. It happened, and that’s what matters.
- They find common adventures to explore together. They may decide to take frequent vacations or join a hobby class together or it may be something as simple as making time to sip a cup of coffee together every morning or to cook dinner together every evening. Maybe it’s something as complicated as learning how to crochet (just saying!) or how to salsa. It has to be fun, there has to be laughter, and it has to be together. That’s it.
- They remain devoted and loyal to each other. So even for the happiest couples, there are temptations galore. You may find yourself attracted to someone else despite the love you feel for your partner. It’s chemistry sometimes. Happy couples learn to find ways around that temptation and once you have decided not to give in, you won’t. Happy couples chose to stay loyal to each other, in spite of it all. It’s not as if they are never tempted, it’s that they decide not to give in to any lure.
- They remember to laugh together. Life is funny. Make time to enjoy the hilarity. Read some jokes or a funny book together, get a puppy, play with your kids or watch a good comedy show together. Happy couples don’t laugh because they ARE happy, they laugh to STAY happy.
- They put real time and effort into keeping things on the right track. Relationships are a work in progress. Sometimes they’ll be strong but other times quakes will come. There will be good days, bad days, and everything in between, but happy couples know the secret. However terrible the turn of events may be, they too will pass. As long as you are committed to each other, and the love still runs strong, you’re golden.
