It’s that time again. The Christmas tree has been put away, you’ve spent all your gift card money, and every form of media starts screaming about New Year’s resolutions. The most popular resolution for most single women is usually for this to be the year they finally find love, but that’s not always the best idea. Here’s why your 2016 resolution shouldn’t have anything to do with meeting “The One”:
- Ultimatums don’t work. If you decide that 2016 will be the year that you find Love (caps intended), then you might be waiting a bit longer. That’s basically giving yourself an ultimatum and if you’ve seen any movie, you know how well those usually work out. Love doesn’t abide by any timelines, it basically does whatever it wants and it will bring you your person when it wants to.
- It’s not a race. Who are you competing with? Your college roomie who is already engaged? Your friends who are all coupled up? Someone from your childhood that you want to impress on Facebook? It’s crazy and unhealthy to be in a huge rush to get a boyfriend. You want to make sure you actually like the guy you’re going to commit to, so slow down.
- You have a super full life. Why not make a resolution to learn to run or finally start cooking dinner for yourself? You already know you have a complete life and that being single has absolutely nothing to do with your self-worth. You can add to your already awesome single life and pick up a few new hobbies or interests in the new year. Falling in love will happen when it’s meant to – you can’t force it.
- It takes the fun of out it. At its core, the process of meeting new people, deciding how you feel, getting all starry-eyed when you find someone you click with is supposed to be fun and magical. Of course it doesn’t always end up that way – we’ve all been on way too many horrendous dates to completely adore the dating game – but if love is a resolution, it becomes an expectation. A rule. Another item on your already jam-packed list of goals.
- Love is about letting go. You can’t really fall for someone else without letting go of the person you want them to be, or the way you think that the relationship should go. That’s a recipe for heartbreak. Making love your resolution would never work because you’ll be holding on to this mythical idea of how things should go.
- You’ll feel terrible. If you swear you’ll get a boyfriend this year and then break up with a few people or never get past a third date, you’re just going to feel bad about yourself. There are enough upsetting things in this world. Don’t be the reason why you’re feeling so crappy.
- It’s a cliché. Let’s be real: saying this is the year you’re going to find everlasting love is kind of cheesy. It’s a total cliché and you’re not like that. You’re an original, aren’t you?
- Love is complicated. New Year’s resolutions seem to be about stuff you can actually do: get fitter, eat better, stop spending so much money on shoes. Those things aren’t usually complex, and yet love is extremely complicated. So really, it doesn’t even fit the typical resolution list.
- Resolutions have an ending. Each resolution (getting healthy, for example) is a journey. It can take you six months of swapping bread for veggies and working out hard to see progress, and then boom, you’re super fit now and you need a new goal. Love ends too, of course – but if your dream is to find the real deal, the last person you’ll date, the end to all awkward first meetings, then it’s best to leave it up to the universe. Keep trying, of course, but don’t expect anything.
- Resolutions often fail. It’s become almost a cliché at this point that everyone swears that come Jan 1st they will eat nothing but salad and work out a million times a week. Then, of course, real life happens and they’re back to the couch and pizza. Since resolutions usually fail, making your resolution all about love is basically destining your search to fail. And you don’t want that.
