Not Wanting Kids And Not Liking Kids Are NOT The Same Thing

I’ve never wanted kids. I just don’t think it’s in my DNA to be a parent. That being said, I hate that everyone assumes I’m some evil child-detesting witch just because I don’t intend to have my own. What’s wrong with people?

  1. One has nothing to do with the other. I wish people could wrap their heads around the fact that not everything is that simple. I can like spending time with kids, I can enjoy helping kids—I even love kids that aren’t mine, like my little sister and my nephew. The fact that I don’t want to have any of my own doesn’t mean I’m a child-hater.
  2. Life without children is a choice, not a character defect. There are many factors that can play into not wanting kids—it’s a complicated decision. I simply like my life the way it is. I don’t have a partner, I don’t have a lot of money, and I really value my freedom and independence. The thought of bringing a kid into the mix sounds like a headache, not a joy. That doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.
  3. I can adore kids without wanting my own. I actually get along really well with children and they like being around me. We have a ton of fun together. It’s way different than deciding to be a parent. I can definitely take care of them for a little while, but I don’t want to do it full-time.
  4. Being a parent is a huge responsibility. I think far too many people take the idea of having children lightly. It shouldn’t be something people just jump into without any thought, and yet they do it all the time. I don’t think that I’d be the parent I’d want to be, so I’m abstaining. I’d rather make a conscious decision about it.
  5. Not everyone is in a situation where they feel like they should start a family. I don’t think that anyone should judge another person’s choices. I don’t talk crap about people who have kids, so they should keep their noses out of my business in return. I don’t enjoy hypocrisy. My decisions have nothing to do with anyone else.
  6. There are many other factors at play in the decision besides personal feelings towards kids. Even if I adored children and wanted them, there would be a lot of other things to consider. I would need a great partner who I wanted to have kids with, first of all. Then there’s the matter of finances and a million other things I don’t want to address. Just thinking about all the choices you have to make as a parent gives me anxiety.
  7. It’s one thing to enjoy kids and quite another to raise them. Like I said before, it’s a full-time commitment and huge responsibility. If I don’t think I’m up for the job, I certainly won’t be having some babies haphazardly. I know myself and I would never want to be a bad mom – having a flawed relationship with my own mother makes me wary of continuing the cycle.
  8. A lot of people have children for all the wrong reasons. I would rather die than have a baby to keep a relationship alive or to make myself feel like I have some purpose in the world. I feel complete on my own and I wouldn’t have a child for a silly, superficial or selfish reason. It grosses me out when people have kids and then neglect to raise them properly.
  9. Some choose to devote their time to helping many children instead of having their own. I would rather volunteer with children and help those who are in need than bring more into the world. It’s my personal feeling that it’s better to do something good for those who are already here. Why keep overpopulating the planet when I could change the lives of kids who need someone’s help?
  10. Everyone’s priorities are different. It’s just a matter of personal preference. Some people want nothing more than to devote their lives to raising little ones and find great joy in it. That’s not me. I think they’re great and fun and all, but my priorities are adventure and independence. I want to live the best life I can, and for me, that’s a child-free life.
  11. People are way too complicated to label in a B&W way. It’s just impractical and unfair. Humans are complicated and everyone’s lives are different. I think we all need to back off of each other and focus on ourselves instead of worrying about the personal business of others. So I don’t want kids – so what? It doesn’t make me any less of a woman or human being.
  12. It’s really no one’s business—if I don’t want kids, that doesn’t make me a fairytale goblin. We are so quick to judge each other. I don’t want to be a mother, but I’m still a good person. I’m still loving and sensitive and caring. Men aren’t judged for not having kids, and I’m done with the double standard. Not wanting children doesn’t automatically mean that I am harsh and uncaring and heartless. I can love kids like mad and still know that they aren’t for me.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at