It’s Not Your Job To Do These 15 Things For Your Partner

All relationships take work, but that doesn’t mean you should be doing all of it. Compromise and care are one thing, but certain responsibilities just aren’t yours to take on. Everyone wants to make sure their partner is happy and well cared for. However, there has to be a limit. Here are some things it’s not up to you to sort out.

  1. Guarantee your partner’s happiness It’s important to make something clear here. You should, by all means, be there for your partner when tragedy strikes, but you don’t need to try to make him happy when he insists on being miserable. You can’t change a person’s mentality, no matter how hard you try.
  2. Appease his parents, especially if they’re being unreasonable Your parents are your responsibility, just as his parents are his. If he can’t draw healthy boundaries and have his parents stick to them, that’s on him. You shouldn’t tolerate your partner letting his parents treat you like crap. When that happens, he’s failing on his duties as a boyfriend or spouse.
  3. Soothe your partner’s insecurities There’s nothing wrong with complimenting your partner. There’s also nothing wrong with having insecurities that you work on with a therapist, or through journaling. Your insecurities are yours to deal with, but when you have a partner who tries to knock you down or make wardrobe restrictions in order to feel better about himself, you need to bail. He’s testing your boundaries and is very likely toxic to you.
  4. Do 100% of the planning and reaching out In a healthy, normal relationship, the work that’s put into a relationship will be relatively evenly divided. You’ll call or text each other equally. You’ll both plan dates. You’ll both initiate sex. If you find that you’re shouldering most of the work, you’re most likely dealing with a partner that’s emotionally checked out.
  5. Mother him Your partner is an adult. This means that it’s not your responsibility to baby him, feed him, clothe him, or financially support him. The only exception to this is when you both agree it’s for the best and when he’s offering to bring something to the table. Even so, it’s never your responsibility to bring him out of manchild mode.
  6. Fix all his problems There’s a difference between a person who’s suffered a huge loss and one who’s broken from the get-go. If he’s working on getting himself out of a funk, that’s great — stay with him. If he’s expecting you to ‘fix’ him, then run. The only person responsible for him is him.
  7. Stay in a relationship that makes you miserable Whether you’re staying for the kids, because he’s depressed, or because you’re afraid to be alone, they’re all excuses you need to get rid of ASAP. If you’re unhappy, you never will be unless you make a change.
  8. Be nice when you’re treated like crap An assertive, “That was rude and it hurt my feelings, so stop!” can do wonders. If he still acts like a loser, get mean right back and dump him. You don’t need that in your life.
  9. Take the blame for your partner’s mistakes If he cheats on you, don’t believe him when he says that it’s your fault. He’s the one who made the mistake, and he’s going to have to deal with the consequences.
  10. Make a martyr of yourself Sacrificing yourself isn’t sexy, and it’s not healthy, either. Besides, there’s no saying that the person you sacrifice it all for would return the favor.
  11. Feel like you need to constantly compromise on things that you really want There are certain issues that you will need to compromise on, and at times, that can include where you live. However, if you constantly find yourself agreeing to things that you’re not happy with, you’re going above and beyond duty… and turning into a doormat.
  12. Defend yourself to his friends If his friends bully you or insult you, he should be stepping in and telling them off. If he isn’t willing to do that, he’s not the one for you.
  13. Explain life choices regarding your relationship with friends and family In other words, neither you nor he have to tell people when you’re getting married, if you’re having kids soon, or any other major milestones. Really, it’s no one’s business but yours.
  14. Read his mind You are not Miss Cleo, nor are you Sylvia Browne. You’re not a mind reader. If he can’t communicate with you, that’s on him — especially if you’ve tried to get him to talk.
  15. Determine how others feel about you two dating Forget the haters. You got love!
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.