Listening is one of the simplest skills you can master, but it’s one that’s in short supply in the world. That’s why if you learn how to do it well, you’ll stand out from the crowd in the best possible way. After all, there’s a big difference between hearing someone and actually comprehending what they’re saying. Here are some phrases used by people who fall into the latter camp.
1. “I totally get what you’re saying.”
This isn’t about parroting back what you said. It’s about being on the same wavelength and actually grasping what you’re trying to convey. They’re trying to cut through the noise and really getting to the heart of the matter. A good listener is always keen to dig deeper than the words — they’re getting the meaning, the feelings, the whole package.
2. “Can you elaborate on that a bit?”
This isn’t about making you talk for the sake of it — they’re genuinely into what you’re saying and they want to dive deeper so that they can get the full picture. They’re not just content with the surface-level stuff. They want to understand your thoughts, your perspective — the whole shebang. This way, they can give you more support or better advice depending on what you’re after.
3. “I hear you.”
No, they’re not just confirming their ears are working. They’re saying they understand you, they acknowledge your feelings and perspectives. It’s about making you feel seen and heard. They’re not just passively taking in your words, they’re actively grasping the emotions behind those words.
4. “That sounds tough — how are you handling it?”
They’re not just acknowledging your struggle, they’re asking about you. They’re showing they care about how you’re coping, how you’re dealing with the situation. Good listeners aren’t just there to offer hollow sympathy — they truly want to offer a shoulder, an ear, and a safe space.
5. “What do you think?”
This isn’t some random question they’re asking to pretend they’re engaged. They legitimately want to know what’s going on in your head so that they can get where you’re coming from and understand you more. They’re not just talking at you, they’re talking with you. They’re giving you the floor so that you can express your thoughts and feelings without interruption. It’s your thoughts, your ideas, your beliefs that they’re interested in.
6. “Could you please repeat that?”
Good listeners don’t ask this because they’re not paying attention – they definitely are, they just want to make sure they’re getting you right. It’s about them wanting to fully grasp what you’re saying because they don’t want you to feel misundertood or ignored. They’re putting in the effort to fully engage in the conversation.
7. “That reminds me of what you were saying earlier…”
Call-backs to stuff you mentioned in prior conversations or even in this one are there to show you that the good listener was paying attention and committed what you said to memory. They know that in order to understand you or a situation better, they need to appreciate the nuance and see the whole picture rather than just picking out single comments.
8. “It seems like your feeling [insert emotion here] — is that right?”
They’re not trying to be your shrink here — they’re simply tuning into your vibes, picking up on the cues you’re dropping. They’re giving you an open invitation to let it all out and share what’s really going on inside your head. They understand that words are just one part of the equation, and that to really get you, they need to get a handle on your emotional state too. It’s their way of telling you that they’re not just interested in listening to your words, but also in understanding your feelings.
9. “So, what I’m hearing is…”
This is a way of summarizing your thoughts and making sure they’ve understood them correctly. They want to show that they’re not only listening but also processing and understanding what you’re saying. It’s a clear indication that they’re actively engaged in the conversation and are making an effort to understand your perspective and feelings.
10. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
This is more than just a quick, offhand “thanks.” It’s a real nod to the trust you’ve placed in them. It takes guts to open up and share, and they’re acknowledging that. They’re telling you they know it’s a big deal and they don’t take it lightly. It’s a gesture of appreciation for your trust, honesty, and vulnerability.
11. “I don’t want to interrupt you, please go on.”
This shows pure respect for your thoughts and feelings. They’re not just sitting there biding their time until they can chime in. They’re genuinely interested in what you have to say. They’re giving you the space and the respect to express yourself fully. They’re making it about you, not them, and showing you that what you have to say matters.
12. “I never thought about it that way before.”
This is a good listener’s way of admitting that you’ve opened their eyes. They’re letting you know you’ve given them something new to think about and acknowledging that your perspective has added value to their understanding. They want you to know just how much they appreciate your viewpoint because it’s opened their mind.
13. “How did that make you feel?”
They’re not just fishing for information, they’re showing genuine interest in your feelings. That’s why they’re delving deeper and trying to go beyond the surface of what happened to understand how it affected you emotionally. They want to make it clear that your feelings matter and that they’re interested in the emotional impact, not just the bare facts.
14. “It’s clear that you…”
This is them confirming they’ve been paying attention. They’ve been tracking with you, following your train of thought, and they’re summarizing their understanding. They’re showing you they get it — they understand where you’re coming from. When a good listener says this, you can rest assured that they were actually tuned in and internalizing what you were saying.
15. “Is there anything else you want to add?”
They’re not rushing you ot trying to wrap things up prematurely — they genuinely want to know if there’s anything else on your mind. They’re giving you the opportunity to get it all out and make sure nothing’s left unsaid. They’ll listen to you as long as it takes and they want you to know it.
16. “Let me make sure I’ve got this right.”
They’re not making assumptions or jumping to conclusions — they’re double-checking to make sure they’ve understood correctly. That’s because they’re committed to understanding your perspective as accurately as possible. They want to show you that they care enough to get it right and make sure they’ve really understood your point of view. If that’s not a good listener, what is?
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