Put Down The Phone — Fighting Over Text Is Guaranteed To End Terribly

As much as lots of people hate the role technology plays in relationships and breakups, many of the happiest couples still use texting to keep their love strong. But when things go south, taking your fight to your fingertips instead of face to face is one of the worst things you could do. Here’s why:

  1. You can’t read tone. No matter how hard you try, you’re going to interpret his message in your own way. Why? Because you can’t read a person’s tone through text. He says one thing, but you may interpret that he means another. If you can’t tell the inflection that his voice has, then you can’t tell how he really feels. So at the end of all that texting, all you’ve really accomplished was a way to waste time.
  2. You need to be able to communicate in person. A relationship shouldn’t take place over the phone, so if you can’t seem to solve conflicts face to face, maybe you’re looking at a deeper issue. Texting is great for some things, but when it comes to the big stuff, you should be able to communicate while looking each other in the eyes.
  3. You don’t really notice what you’re saying. Your fingers are working so fast in frustration that you don’t take the time to really read what you’re typing. That’s a good way to make things a hell of a lot more confusing. You let your anger out on your keyboard and your thoughts come faster than you can type. In the end, your words won’t be coherent and you won’t have really accomplished anything.
  4. You’re just going to prolong the fight. If you’re looking to turn a tiny argument to turn into a huge blowout, then by all means, text the boy. But if you want a controlled disagreement, then leave the fighting for an in-person discussion. You can’t truly understand each other over text, and that’s only going to make the whole fight last a hell of a lot longer.
  5. You won’t resolve anything. Eventually, you’ll just decide to postpone the discussion until later when you can really be together and hash it out. You’re too busy when you’re apart, and text-fighting is just going to make your life a living hell. So if you really want to resolve an issue, wait to talk it out face to face.
  6. You don’t get to actually see his reaction. Sure, you can analyze his words, but there are no facial expressions. Emojis only go so far, and the chance that you’ll actually use those cartoon faces in a real argument is slim to none. When you don’t get the reaction you’re looking for, things are only going to escalate. Things can quickly become ugly if you can’t see the hurt on each other’s faces if one of you says something particularly mean.
  7. The slower the response, the angrier you’ll get. Waiting for a response is only going to make things worse. In person, you have an immediate reaction from your partner, but over text, you have time in between each reply to sit and stew. Through text, you can both ignore the situation altogether, which is never going to make the other person feel better.
  8. Reading a lengthy text can make you agitated as it is. The second you get that long-ass text you have to read, you’re already going to be annoyed. Texting is meant to be short and sweet. Fighting through text only makes things long and drawn out, though. You have to read it word by word and line by line, and neither of you will escape that immediate burn of irritation.
  9. You’re not focused on the conversation. Since you’re not together, odds are you both have other things going on. Do you really want to try to argue with each other when you’re both busy with other things? In the end, you’re only going to be even more frustrated with the fact that the fight is also a distraction from everything else you have going on in your life. Whether you’re at work or out with your friends, you can’t have a good time when your phone is buzzing every few minutes with yet another angry message.
  10. You can’t properly make up. A real fight ends with some sort of resolution. You finally find common ground, come to an understanding, and then you hug, kiss and remind each other of how much love you share. You don’t get to do that with texting, though. You might say get to say, “I love you,” but you don’t get to look at each other and see how much the other person really cares. You fight, but you don’t get to make up, and what’s the point in that?
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.