Kids can be naturally self-absorbed – it’s part of how they figure out the world. However, sometimes, certain behaviors might point to something more serious, like narcissistic tendencies. It’s important to remember that a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) can only be made by a mental health professional, so if you’re concerned, it’s always best to get professional guidance. That said, here are some things to watch out for.
1. They have an inflated sense of self.
Does your child think they’re better or more deserving than others? Do they often act like the rules don’t apply to them? They might brag excessively about their accomplishments or talents, even if those achievements are relatively minor. They may also interrupt or talk over people, believing their thoughts and opinions are always the most important ones in the room.
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2. They need constant praise.
Are they never satisfied with the amount of attention and validation they get? Do they seem to fish for compliments at all times? They might sulk or become angry if they don’t receive the level of praise they expect. Even when they do well at something, they might demand even more recognition or feel slighted if they don’t get the absolute top accolades.
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3. They show a serious lack of empathy.
Do they struggle to understand or care about other people’s feelings? This might show up as being insensitive or unsympathetic. They may dismiss another child’s sadness or even seem to enjoy another person’s misfortune. Struggles with recognizing other people’s emotions and understanding what might cause them can be a giveaway.
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4. They’re exploitative.
They take advantage of people to get what they want. Friendships often seem very one-sided, with your child always in the “taking” role. They might manipulate their peers to do their homework for them, or use emotionally manipulative tactics to guilt people into giving them what they want. They may view friendships as transactional rather than focused on genuine connection and mutual support.
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5. They have a serious sense of entitlement.
They believe they deserve special treatment or that they’re owed certain things, even if they haven’t worked for them. Demanding the newest toys, the biggest piece of cake, or always getting to pick the game are signs of this. Expecting everyone to cater to their whims without having to reciprocate is common. They may have a tough time respecting boundaries or grasping the concept of earning privileges.
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6. They don’t know how to handle criticism.
Even the smallest feedback can send them into a spiral of anger, defensiveness, or a sulking fit. They might dismiss constructive criticism entirely or lash out verbally at the person offering it. They may seem fragile in the face of any suggestion that they’re less than perfect. This sensitivity can make it hard for them to learn from mistakes or improve their behavior.
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7. They’re jealous of what other kids have.
They get resentful or upset when they see other kids have things they want (toys, skills, even friendships). Witnessing another child’s success can trigger insecurity or anger. They might frequently compare themselves to other people and focus on what they lack rather than appreciating what they have. They may downplay other people’s accomplishments as a way of feeling superior.
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8. They’re preoccupied with power and success.
Their fantasies often center around being famous, super-rich, or having everyone adore them. They might focus excessively on their appearance, believing it’s the key to popularity and status. They can be highly competitive, always striving to be the “best” at everything. Success to them is often about the external trappings rather than genuine achievement or fulfillment.
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9. They display arrogance and superiority.
They might frequently talk down to people or act as if they know everything better than anyone else. They may dismiss the opinions of peers or adults, displaying a condescending attitude. They can struggle to see anyone as their equal and may put people down to boost their own image. This superiority can make them dismissive of teamwork or collaboration.
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10. They’re fixated on physical appearance.
Looks and superficial qualities matter a whole lot to them, sometimes more than personality or inner qualities. They might place excessive importance on clothing, hairstyles, or acquiring coveted brands. They may judge people harshly based on their appearance. This focus on the superficial can leave little room for deeper values or character development.
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11. They bully or belittle other people.
They enjoy putting people down as a way to make themselves feel bigger or more important. They might engage in name-calling, teasing, or spreading rumors about peers. They may use their social skills to manipulate and control people. This behavior stems from deep insecurity and a need to dominate.
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12. They have a lot of trouble with friendships.
Do they struggle to maintain friendships? Kids might avoid them because they think they’re bossy or always need to be in control. Healthy friendships involve give-and-take, which can be a major challenge for a child with narcissistic tendencies. Conflicts might be common, leaving people feeling used or emotionally drained.
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13. They constantly lie or manipulate.
They often bend the truth, twist situations, or play mind games to get what they desire. They might lie to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or to shift blame onto other people. They have a talent for spinning stories that portray themselves in a favorable light. Manipulation can range from feigning hurt to gain sympathy to more elaborate schemes aimed at achieving their desires.
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14. They refuse to accept responsibility for their actions.
Blaming other people for their mistakes is their go-to. It’s rarely (if ever) their fault. They may refuse to apologize even when clearly at fault, finding excuses for their behavior. A lack of accountability can hinder their ability to learn and grow from their mistakes. This can create tension in relationships at home and at school.
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15. They throw excessive temper tantrums.
When things don’t go their way, full-on meltdowns (especially if you think they’re too old for this kind of reaction) can be common. They may have trouble regulating their emotions when faced with disappointment or frustration. Lashing out, yelling, or having dramatic outbursts serve as a way to regain control of the situation. While temper tantrums are common in younger children, they become concerning when they persist or reappear at older ages.
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16. They have unrealistic expectations.
They constantly expect the best of everything – the best treatment, the best toys, experiences that feel far beyond their means. This can lead to frequent disappointment and frustration when reality inevitably doesn’t match their fantasies. They might feel dissatisfied or resentful if their expectations aren’t met.
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17. They’re not interested in other people.
Beyond getting something from them, they don’t show genuine curiosity about the lives or experiences of friends and family. Conversations usually steer back towards themselves. Their focus remains on their own needs and interests with minimal attention given to other people’s POVs.
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