I’ve been trying to navigate online dating for several years now with honest intentions and I can tell you for certain, it’s changed dramatically — and not in a good way. Actual relationships are rare and drama and disappointment is plentiful. Online dating is mostly BS now. I’m five months sober from looking for love online, and here’s why I’ll never go back:
It’s not authentic anymore. Dating online has never been an organic way to meet someone, but it’s even more apparent now than ever before. Many users aren’t looking for anything real, and are mostly trying to kill their boredom or sexual urges. Hours are spent pointlessly swiping, messages go routinely unanswered and people take out their bitter feelings of their last relationship out on a complete stranger. Yay?
Conversations are so cliche. If you’ve been online dating for a long ass time like I have, you’ll get to a point where the initial conversations bore you to tears, but you have to have them in an effort to get to know each other. How many “Hi, how are you? How was your weekend? What do you do for work/fun?” conversations have to be had before one finally jives? Even when you do put some creativity into the conversations, those messages mostly get ignored.
I’m sick of the unwanted sex talk. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a seemingly innocent conversation with a guy and he suddenly starts talking about my boobs or makes completely uncalled for sexual comments — or even worse, he sends an unsolicited penis pic. Is it too much to ask that you talk to me like a normal human being and not some object for you to stick your penis into? I know you’re practically salivating at the idea of getting a woman into bed, but calm down — you’re a grown up, act like one. Ugh.
The odds are the same in real life. I’ve been meeting just as many date-worthy men in real life since I disconnected. When I truly think about the logistics, I used to chat with numerous men before just one of them stood out enough to take the connection offline. Now that I’m not constantly distracted by Tinder notifications when I’m out and about, I actually get approached by men again. Nothing has been promising so far, but the number of opportunities in real life are just the same as anything I experienced online. It gives me hope for meeting the right person for me organically.
Searching for Mr. Right in a lazy way is contradicting. It’s actually pretty lazy to think that you can find your Prince Charming while sitting on your couch in tattered PJs with chip crumbs in your lap. Maybe this works for some people — and more power to them if it does — but I feel like what I want is worth the extra effort, even if it means waiting a bit longer.
It disconnected me from real life. Like I said, when I was constantly searching for love online, I would be out and about constantly distracted by my phone and all the dating apps I had. “You’ve got a new match!” and “You’ve got a new message” was always captivating my attention. Now that I’ve set myself free from the chaos, I’m actually fully aware of what’s happening around me all the time, and you’d be surprised how many opportunities for connection are right under your nose everyday.
I’m sick of competing for affections in a shallow online world. I’ve dated plenty of men who are constantly keeping their options open and continuing to persue and even date other women they meet online even after months of us dating. And then they tell me crap like, “Well, we haven’t made anything official yet” even though I’ve met their whole family and have a toothbrush at their place. It’s painful and it happens all the time. Screw that.
I’m perfectly capable of dating the old fashioned way. It might take me longer without all the options I used to have right at my fingertips, but that’s OK. I can honestly say my life is a happier one without the constant and daily rejections, rude comments and anxieties that come with looking for love online. I might meet less men this way, but the ones I do meet feel meaningful right from the start and I’m confident that I’m still going to find love, even if I don’t look for it online.
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