11 Red Flags You Should Never Mistake For Normal Relationship Worries

It’s normal to wonder if your relationship is right for you, but sometimes what you call doubts could be more serious. If you’re experiencing any of these 11 things, you’re witnessing some red flags you really shouldn’t ignore.

  1. You have text anxiety that doesn’t let up. It’s normal to feel a bit of anxiety when texting the new person you’re dating, but it’s another story altogether if you’re always experiencing it, even after weeks or months of dating. You might write it off as butterflies or nerves because you’re so into the person, but it could actually be something more serious. Maybe you’re worried that they don’t feel the same way about you as you feel for them, or deep down you don’t trust that your partner will answer your text.
  2. You’re avoiding certain things. You doubt that your partner is being completely honest with you at times. It’s not just your own paranoia at work if you find yourself avoiding asking him certain questions such as where he was over the weekend because you know that you’re going to get a vague and dodgy answer.
  3. Your gut won’t stop making your life a living hell. No matter how much your partner keeps reassuring you that they’re not being unfaithful or that they really do love you, your gut is warning you otherwise. Before you ignore it, remind yourself that it’s your body’s warning system that something isn’t right. Listen to it.
  4. You wonder if there’s someone better out there. It’s harmless to do some dating window-shopping and natural to wonder if you’re with the right person. However, those doubts are usually fleeting. If they stick around or you find yourself wishing for someone else, that’s probably your mind telling you that you’re not happy with the person you’re dating.
  5. You’re anxious around your partner. Your anxiety is often your body’s alarm system. Sometimes it goes off for no reason, but there’s usually a deeper explanation, you just might not understand it. If you’re feeling more and more anxious around your partner, they could be the reason why. This is especially the case if you’re much more chilled around other people or in other situations when your partner’s not around.
  6. You talk your partner up to your friends. Deep down you have some doubts about your partner, but when you talk about them to your friends, you paint them as the most amazing, perfect person. If you have to lie so much, then obviously you’re not happy about your relationship as it is. There’s a reason for that and you need to explore it so you can be happy or cut your losses.
  7. Your doubts are about your partner specifically. It’s normal to feel doubts about the relationship, especially if it’s becoming more serious. You might fear getting hurt or making a mistake that ends the relationship. But it’s a different story if your doubts are always about your partner’s specific traits, like their recreational drug use, dishonesty, or how they don’t really accept who you are.
  8. You doubt your own feelings. Maybe you don’t doubt your partner but your feelings for them. You might wonder if you love them as much as they love you, or maybe you feel afraid by how much they love you. You might hope that you’ll grow accustomed to it. Whoa, what? Are you talking about love or a chore? If your doubts are tied to how your feelings don’t match up to your partner’s, that’s a huge problem.
  9. You’re not sure about your future. When you and your partner picture your future together, you should feel excited about it, as well as how you’re both supporting each other to achieve your greatest dreams. It’s not cool if you’re uncertain about your individual future now that you have a partner. That’s a set of doubts you really don’t need because they hint at future dissatisfaction. You should never forget about your dreams just because you’ve found your dream partner unless you want to be miserable.
  10. You’re doubting what you want. Every now and then, it’s good to take stock of where your relationship is and if it’s still making you happy. If you find yourself doubting if you even want to be in the relationship, something’s amiss. You might doubt some elements of the relationship, but you shouldn’t be seeing it in such a negative light as a whole. It’s natural for your needs and wants to change over time, but those can be worked on with your partner. If you’re feeling that you don’t even know if you want to be with them, that’s definitely something you need to focus on.
  11. Your doubts require huge changes from your partner. Maybe you doubt your partner because they want to live in a different country or they have some dodgy friends you wish they’d stop seeing. If you know that they have to jump through hoops to change whatever is bugging you, that’s a huge red flag. You can’t change anyone. Your partner might not want to change and that’s their choice. If this is the situation you find yourself in, you’re at a crossroads. Chances are it’s time to move on without your partner.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.