Relationships Aren’t Everything But I Seriously Struggle With Not Being In One

I know that I have to be able to enjoy life beyond relationships, but what if I do that and I still feel crappy about not being in one? That’s where I’m at. I’m not at all thrilled about being single, I’m comparing myself to others around me, and I’m angry at dating. Ugh.

  1. It’s okay to dislike being single. Sometimes when I write online or talk to friends about my dislike of being alone they’ll say things like, “But being single has its perks too!” or, “There’s so much more to life than being in a relationship.” While these things are certainly true, I still have the thoughts and feelings that I don’t want to be by myself, and this is okay. I’m allowed to be grumpy because I’m on my own.
  2. It’s natural to crave companionship. It’s totally valid to desire partnership. It doesn’t make me weak, codependent, or obsessive. Rather, it makes me a human being capable of love. I dislike people saying that you shouldn’t want a partner because you should just live your life. Well, what if I am living my life and I still want a dang partner? I’m okay with this. I want a partner and I want one ASAP.
  3. I almost feel like there’s something wrong with me. Despite my dislike of being single and my desire to find a lover, I haven’t found one and I’m very much alone romantically. As a result, it’s hard to not feel like something may be wrong with me. It feels like I have flaws that are keeping people away. I know logically that I’m not broken, but it sure feels that way with a slew of “failed” dating attempts in my history and present.
  4. Finding a partner to love seems like the ultimate life prize. I look around at happy couples who’ve found love and it seems like they’ve achieved something. Like they’ve found their person and they’re happy. I suppose I don’t really know what’s going on in others lives—they could be miserable, but I do know that I’m jealous regardless. Another human doesn’t fix it all, but they sure seem like a life prize. I’ll have one of those prizes, please.
  5. It seems like everyone’s getting married. If I’m not comparing myself to cute couples I’m definitely comparing myself to those my age who are getting married. It seems there’s a flurry of engagements while I sit at home swiping on Tinder to no avail. When I’m seeing these married folk, I start to fret about how I’m never going to get married or if I do it’ll be with someone I’ve settled for. Neither of these things are true, but overthinking will be the death of me.
  6. It’s hard not to compare myself to others. Logically I know that I’m a different person than those people who’re coupled or married. We’re at different parts in our journeys, but emotionally I feel like I’m missing out and like I’m messed up. I definitely feel crappy about not being in a relationship when I’m comparing. I could do better not to compare, though it’s easier said than done.
  7. I don’t get to have the perks of being in a relationship. There are tons of perks of being in a relationship like you have a built-in support system, an adventure buddy, and someone to share hobbies with. They can even help you take care of your animals! There are tons of perks to being in a relationship. I know there are also perks of being single, but I get hung up on the things I’m missing out on.
  8. I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. The reason I’m not in a relationship isn’t that I’m emotionally unavailable. Rather, I work really hard on myself and I’m proud of the person that I am. Sure, there are things I could work on, but on the whole, I think I’m a pretty dateable person who isn’t doing much wrong. Though here I am, single AF Thanks, universe.
  9. I’m working hard to find a partner—it’s just not happening. It’s not like I’m just sitting around complaining about how much I dislike being single. I’m on a bazillion apps, going on dates, and chasing the dating game. It’s just that nothing has worked out or turned into a relationship. No matter how hard I try, apparently it just isn’t my time right now. Working hard isn’t a guarantee of a relationship.
  10. I have a hard time practicing acceptance of reality. If this isn’t obvious enough, I have difficulty practicing acceptance, which is tremendously important. I fight against reality instead of leaning into it. I’m upset about being single and I’m doing all of these things that aren’t helpful when I really could be pouring my energy into accepting where I’m at.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at