There’s nothing more frustrating than when someone doesn’t reply to your text for days on end so you end up having to bite the bullet and reach out yourself. When you do, the guy you’re into is super charming and flirtatious, making you think that he’s definitely into you. What’s going on here? If he’s interested, then why doesn’t he ever initiate contact? Here are 14 possible reasons—and “his thumbs are broken” isn’t one of them.
He really is just bad at texting.
We’ll get this one out of the way first because, while unlikely, it is possible that he’s not on his phone all that often (weird, I know) and isn’t great with sending texts. When you’re together, he’s totally into it, but technology fails him. Of course, this is incredibly rare, so I wouldn’t automatically assume this is the case. If he can reply to your text, he can send one unprompted.
He likes to talk to you, but…
The conversation is awesome and it always feels good for him. But he just doesn’t see relationship potential beyond your phone screens. So, he’s writing you down as “great for conversation” and leaving it at that. Dead-end.
He’s seeing what he can get out of the situation.
There’s definitely a reason he’s letting you do all the work without cutting contact once and for all. He’s keeping you around so he can see what he can get from you at a later stage. It might be a date for a function or a booty call. But don’t expect him to ask you out on a real date! He would’ve done that by now if he was serious.
He enjoys flirting.
You know when he’s sick with the flu and really feeling crap, then you text him? He’s so keen to chat and flirt because it’s convenient for him to do so at that point. Same goes for when he’s horny. It’s all about his convenience, and not so much about his interest in you. That’s as short-lived as his orgasms. He’ll reply to your text when you reach out, but actually starting a conversation himself is too much work.
He’s too polite to say what’s up.
He didn’t actually want to talk to you, but he’s too polite and too much of a coward to tell you that you’re wasting your time and he’s never going to date you. You’re not a priority in his life. You’re not the first person he thinks to text if there’s an emergency, but he doesn’t want to tell you.
He’s hoping you’ll get the hint eventually.
If he just keeps going along with the status quo and answering your texts, he’s hoping that soon you’ll realize he’s just not into dating in real life. But hey, he gets some female attention and funny dog memes that you send him in the meantime, so it’s all good for now.
He thinks this is what you want.
He’s not keen on making things progress, and since you’re always making contact, he assumes that you’re on the same page as him. You want to keep things casual, just like he does. Right? Hell no!
He’s sorting out his options.
You’re not the only woman he’s chatting to via text. Sorry, but he’s got five or six, and he’s not sure which one he wants to pursue something with. What total BS! You’ll know this is the case as well if he sends you a weird message that doesn’t quite make sense or doesn’t seem applicable to you or, God forbid, he calls you by the wrong name. Don’t even entertain this!
He already has a girlfriend.
He’s dating someone else and doesn’t want to end things with her. Still, he enjoys chatting to you every now and then. And, since you’re always the one initiating contact, it lessens his guilt over it. He can just pass you off as a friend. If his girlfriend gets annoyed, he can always say that you’re the one texting him.
He just wants to be friends.
Girlfriend in his bed or not, the guy’s keen on nothing more than a friendship with you. He likes the idea of being able to catch up via text without having to leave the house. It’s sort of like being pen pals. What fun. Time to delete his number. He might reply to your text because it would be rude not to, but that’s about as far as it goes.
He’s playing hard to get.
He wants you to work for his attention (jerk), so he’s laying low and letting you do all the chasing. But don’t waste your time—he’ll never chase you back. Do you really want to waste texts on a guy who’s going to make a lazy boyfriend? Hell no.
He’s not sure about you.
He really does like you, but he’s not sure if he wants to enter a relationship with you or not. He doesn’t want to cut you out of his life in case he regrets it, though, so he keeps you warm on the sidelines in case he decides to pursue you at a later stage. Ugh, what a confused moron!
He’s not keen on making a real effort with you, so he’d rather just chill out and keep your dating status as “just talking.” Ugh. Can he get off the sofa, already?
He gets an ego boost from your texts.
He’s such a great conversationalist when you call or text because he enjoys getting your attention and compliments. It’s a nice ego boost for him, especially when he’s had a rough day at work or saw his ex with another guy and felt like gum under someone’s shoe. So basically, you’re just there to bolster his self-confidence. Great.
He wanted to fade you out.
He had terrible intentions to fade you out. That’s why he wasn’t initiating contact anymore. But then you got in touch and he started to feel really guilty for his actions, so he decided to give you mixed messages by chatting to you again as though nothing happened. You know what? That’s even worse than if you’d just let the jerk walk away. Bye!
How to get a guy to reply to your text
While you really shouldn’t have to bend over backward to get a basic response from a guy, if you do think there’s potential there and that it’s worth giving it another go, you could try winning him over by doing these things.
Stop sending boring texts.
Saying “hi” or “what’s up?” really doesn’t invite conversation. In fact, it makes it look like you’re not all that interested in having a conversation with him and have nothing to say, which isn’t exactly going to make him keen to text you back. Come up with something that requires a little more of a response, like asking him how a particular work thing went or if we watched this week’s episode of a show you know he likes.
Get a little flirty.
Maybe he’s not responding to you because he wasn’t sure if there was any chemistry there or if you were feeling him. If you’re a bit hard to read sometimes, this is the time to get a little playful and flirty to let him know that you are feeling it. Obviously don’t go overboard by sexting him out of the blue or anything, but test the waters a bit with something a bit more than friendly and see if he takes the bait.
Ask him on a date.
Get off your phone and out into the world together. This is a great way to find out once and for all how he’s feeling about you. If you text him and ask him to hang out and he doesn’t respond, that’s a pretty clear message that he’s not feeling it. Have a clear plan in mind. Don’t just message him with a vague request to get together. Instead, mention that your favorite band is playing at 8pm on Friday night and you want to know if he wants to go with you. If he still ignores you, it’s definitely time to move on.
Send him a blank text.
This is a sly move and a bit of a desperate one for sure, but if you really want to bait him into deciding to reply to your text, just send him a blank one with nothing written there. His curiosity might get the better of him and lead him to reaching out asking what you meant to say. Please don’t try this unless it’s literally a last-ditch effort because it’s really, really cringeworthy. (But hey, sometimes it’s necessary!)
At the end of the day, a guy who’s interested in you should show that by meeting you halfway when it comes to putting in the effort. If he waits for you to do the legwork before he gets involved, it’s clear his feelings for you aren’t all that strong and you’re better off cutting your losses now. You should not be doing 100% of the work here, and any guy who expects you to isn’t worth your time.