No, you’re not mad and there’s nothing wrong — you just suffer from chronic RBF. This is a harmless but socially awkward condition many women contend with, but it’s made even worse by the idiotic people around you who just can’t accept that that’s just your face. If you suffer from RBF, you’ve probably had some, if not all, of the following thoughts:
- “There’s nothing wrong with me.” No you’re not sad. You didn’t get in a fight with your boyfriend. Your favorite puppy didn’t die. You don’t have to be smiling all damn day long to feel great. The lack of creases in your smile doesn’t make you a bitter bitch.
- “There’s something wrong with me!” Could you actually be in a bitchy mood and don’t care to hide it? Well, if you are, so what? You’re entitled to a bad day here or there. But if you’re actually pissed about something, it could be showing in your face and body movements. And this in turn could cause unwanted attention from everyone trying to decipher your facial expressions.
- “I have a lot of stuff on my mind.” You have adult things to worry about like anyone else, so why is it that when you’re trying to think something through, your expressions are confused with anger, bitterness, and sadness? The truth is, you could be in deep thought about which of two awesome cars to purchase or which of three incredible job offers you’ll take. Women who suffer from RBF are totally misunderstood, to say the least.
- “I’m literally. Just. Sitting. Here.” You’ve heard it all before. They assume you just broken up with your boyfriend, you had a bad day, you just finished cussing someone out, someone made you mad to all hell, you lost something special, blah blah blah… All these assumptions when you’re just sitting on your ass, totally and completely content with life, are so obnoxious.
- “I’m simply not amused.” You don’t mean to come off as a buzzkill, but why smile or giggle when you find nothing funny? I mean, it simply doesn’t make sense to you to be cheesy and phony, and it’s blatantly obvious you feel that way since it’s written all over your face.
- “I enjoy my solitude.” Many women with RBF tend to be introverted and like to roll solo or in small groups. They’re usually well aware of their facial challenges and tend to avoid the annoying questions by avoiding some social gatherings — and there’s nothing wrong with that. Know your bitch face comfort zone and bask in it!
- “My resting bitch face runs in the family.” When people are scared to you approach you… and your sister, mother, grandmother, and auntie, maybe your resting bitch face can be attributed to genes. It’s really nothing you can do about it, sadly. You can try to scream at your mother for her garbage X chromosomes, but we both know that discussion will crash and burn.
- “I’m depressed.” If life’s taking you through the ringer, you have a right to look like Cruella de Vil. It’s hard to crack a smile when everything around you is in the crapper. It sucks trying to be perky and cheerful when it’s a struggle just to get out of bed. Never mind your bitchy scowl; seek help right away if you’re experiencing depression symptoms.
- “I actually am a bitch.” Let’s be real, ladies — some of us are total and complete bitches. I’d hate to classify you as such — only you know if it applies — But if everything pisses you off, including sunshine and cute puppy videos, you may need a serious attitude adjustment, girl!