Revenge Cheating Won’t Work: 14 Reasons You Shouldn’t Do It

Revenge Cheating Won’t Work: 14 Reasons You Shouldn’t Do It

Revenge cheating is a bad idea. Period. You’re hurt, your trust is shattered, and now you’re thinking of evening the score. But hold on a minute. Before you go down that road, let’s talk about why revenge cheating is not just a bad move, but a disastrous one. It’s not about moralizing; it’s about understanding the consequences. Here are 14 hard-hitting reasons why revenge cheating is a path you don’t want to take.

1. It Doesn’t Heal Your Pain.

Revenge cheating might seem like a quick fix to your hurt, but it doesn’t heal you. It’s a temporary band-aid on a deeper wound. You’re dealing with betrayal, and adding your own betrayal into the mix isn’t going to make things better. Healing from infidelity takes time and often, introspection or professional help. Stooping to their level just drags you further into the mire of pain and resentment. What you need is a solution that helps you heal, not one that adds more trauma to your life.

2. It Destroys Whatever Trust Is Left.

Think the trust in your relationship is hanging by a thread now? Revenge cheating cuts that thread. Once you stoop to their level, there’s no moral high ground left. Trust is the foundation of a relationship, and once it’s gone, it’s incredibly hard to rebuild. If there was any chance of salvaging the relationship, revenge cheating will likely obliterate it. What’s more, the act of revenge cheating creates a new layer of deceit, making it even harder to find your way back to a place of honesty and openness in the relationship.

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4. It Lowers You to Their Level.

By revenge cheating, you’re aligning your actions with theirs. It’s a descent to a place you don’t want to be. Maintain your integrity, even in the face of their betrayal. It’s about who you are and what you stand for. Being true to yourself and your values is far more important than a moment of misguided retaliation. Lowering yourself to their level doesn’t just hurt them – it hurts you, compromising your self-respect and dignity. It’s important to remember who you are and not let someone else’s actions dictate your behavior.

5. It’s a Hollow Victory.

The satisfaction from revenge cheating is fleeting. You might think it’ll make you feel better, but it often leads to feelings of guilt and emptiness. Real satisfaction comes from dealing with difficult situations with dignity and self-respect. Revenge might seem sweet in the moment, but it leaves a bitter aftertaste. This false sense of victory is quickly overshadowed by the realization that you’ve compromised your values. In the end, you’re left feeling worse, not better, about the situation and yourself.

6. It Complicates Everything.

Revenge cheating doesn’t simplify matters – it complicates them. If you were considering reconciliation, this act adds another layer of deceit and hurt to the situation. And if you were thinking of leaving, doing so with your integrity intact is always the better choice. Compounding the betrayal just makes everything messier. The aftermath of revenge cheating is often a tangled web of emotions and consequences that can take even longer to unravel. You’re left dealing with not only the original betrayal but also the repercussions of your actions.

7. It makes you look really bad.

How you handle this situation will reflect on you, not just your cheating partner. By engaging in revenge cheating, you’re letting their actions dictate your behavior. You’re better than that. Your actions should reflect who you are, not be a reaction to someone else’s misdeeds. The way you respond to betrayal can define you more than the betrayal itself. Choose actions that showcase your strength and character, not your pain and anger.

8. It Can Hurt Innocent People.

Revenge cheating often drags innocent third parties into your relationship drama. They might get caught in the crossfire of your retaliation, which isn’t fair to them. They didn’t cheat on you; your partner did. Hurting someone else in the process of getting revenge only spreads the pain further. These people might be unaware of the full context of your actions, and involving them in such a personal matter can cause unnecessary harm and complications.

9. It Stunts Your Emotional Growth.

Dealing with infidelity can be a painful but significant opportunity for personal growth. Revenge cheating, however, is a step back. It’s a reaction driven by pain and anger, not a choice that fosters growth and healing. Learning to cope with betrayal in a healthy way can strengthen your emotional resilience. This setback can keep you from learning valuable lessons about yourself, your needs, and what you truly want in a relationship.

10. It Puts Your Health at Risk.

Engaging in revenge cheating means potentially exposing yourself to sexually transmitted infections. This is a risk to your health that’s simply not worth it. Your well-being should always be a priority, and revenge cheating compromises that. Think about the long-term consequences to your health before making a decision driven by hurt. It’s crucial to consider not just the emotional, but also the physical consequences of your actions.

11. It Perpetuates a Cycle of Toxicity.

Revenge cheating contributes to a toxic cycle in the relationship. It’s a back-and-forth game of hurt that can escalate and cause more damage. Breaking free from this cycle is crucial for your emotional well-being. Engaging in it only traps you further in a dysfunctional dynamic. This toxic cycle can be hard to break and can lead to a prolonged period of unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

12. It Obscures the Real Issues.

The underlying issues in your relationship need addressing, not compounding. Revenge cheating is a distraction from the real problems that led to the infidelity in the first place. It’s a reactionary move that solves nothing and only adds to the pile of issues that need resolution. Addressing the root causes of the cheating, whether it involves communication issues, unmet needs, or other problems, is essential for true healing and resolution.

13. It Can Lead to Deep Regret.

Many who engage in revenge cheating end up regretting it. It’s often a decision made in the heat of the moment, fueled by hurt and anger. The regret of stooping to revenge can linger long after the temporary satisfaction fades. Living with regret can be a heavy burden, adding to your emotional turmoil. The regret and guilt associated with revenge cheating can have long-lasting effects on your self-esteem and future relationships.

14. It Closes Doors to Healthier Outcomes.

Whether it’s reconciliation or moving on, revenge cheating closes doors to healthier outcomes. It makes a bad situation worse and limits your options for resolving things in a constructive way. Even if the relationship ends, ending it on a note of mutual respect and dignity is far healthier than a spiteful retaliation. This act of revenge can prevent you from exploring healthier ways to cope and move on, such as therapy, self-reflection, or amicable separation.

15. It Damages Your Self-Respect.

Engaging in revenge cheating not only affects your relationship, but it also chips away at your self-respect. It’s an action that contradicts the values and principles you uphold for yourself. By choosing this path, you’re compromising your integrity for a moment of ill-conceived payback. This loss of self-respect can lead to a downward spiral of self-doubt and negative self-perception. It’s important to maintain actions that you can look back on with dignity, regardless of how others have treated you. Upholding your self-respect is crucial for your long-term emotional health and self-esteem. Choosing revenge cheating can leave you feeling disappointed in yourself, which is a heavy emotional burden to bear.

Originally from Australia, Emma Mills graduated from the University of Queensland with a dual degree in Philosophy and Applied Linguistics before moving to Los Angeles to become a professional matchmaker (a bit of a shift, obviously). Since 2015, she has helped more than 150 people find lasting love and remains passionate about bringing amazing singletons together.

Emma is also the author of the upcoming Hachette publication, "Off the Beaten Track: Finding Lasting Love in the Least Likely of Places," due out in January 2025.
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