Rules To Live By If You Want To Stop Being Disappointed By Men

Rules To Live By If You Want To Stop Being Disappointed By Men iStock

If you want to win in the game of love, you have to learn how to play smart rather than hard. While it’d be great if every guy you met was on the same wavelength as you about what he wants in a relationship, that’s just not the reality. That doesn’t mean you can’t meet someone amazing and find your own happily ever after, but you’ll have to up your game. Here’s how to stop being disappointed by men once and for all.

  1. Never need a guy. You’re so much better than that. You don’t need to be desperate for love. Instead, you need to find a way to be content with the single life. You can still want a relationship, but you don’t need one to survive and that’s going to make all the difference.
  2. Don’t go back to your ex. He doesn’t deserve another chance. You broke up for a reason, so don’t forget that reason just because you’re feeling particularly lonely. That loneliness is just a state of mind and it’s going to pass. Your ex doesn’t deserve you. Instead, hold out for a man who does because settling shouldn’t be an option.
  3. Take some responsibility for your failed relationships. Maybe it was mostly your ex’s fault, but you at least share some of the blame. You’re not perfect. You made mistakes too, so instead of putting all of the blame and bitterness on your ex, take responsibility for your actions. Maybe if you do, you can learn from your mistakes rather than being doomed to repeat them.
  4. Realize that you deserve real love. That’s the first step to finding a great guy — knowing you deserve more than the bottom of the barrel. No woman deserves to be treated like crap just because some guy doesn’t know how to love her properly. You deserve a fairytale romance and the only way you’ll get it is to stop accepting anything less.
  5. Listen to your gut. You’re smarter than you realize. You just always follow your heart and ignore your head’s warnings, but that’s got to stop. You’re not going to talk yourself out of love, you’re just going to talk yourself out of ignoring the red flags. Your gut spots the players — you just have to be smart enough to listen.
  6. Put your friends first. This is one of the easiest ways to stop being disappointed by men. Your girls should never come second to some guy. Even if he were “The One,” he’d want your friends to be a priority. After all, they’ve been the shoulder you’ve cried on during heartbreak and the comrades rejoicing when you fall in love. Guys might come and go but girlfriends are forever, so don’t take them for granted.
  7. Stop putting up with the BS. If he’s treating you like crap, you can’t keep excusing his crappy behavior. It’s time to stand up for yourself and start calling bad boys on their BS. The only way he can treat you like crap is if you let him get away with. Don’t. You don’t have to put up with it. Learn how to walk away.
  8. Learn from the love you’ve lost. No relationship was a waste of time if you can take that rather harsh life lesson and learn from it. He made mistakes and so did you, but what can you do differently the next time love comes knocking at your door? Even the players taught you something. You have to stop ignoring the past and apply the lessons you learned to your future.
  9. Take the time to move on. Rushing into the arms of a rebound doesn’t give you time to heal. There’s no shame in needing time after a breakup to put the pieces of your heart back together before you throw yourself into the dating game once again. If you really want to find love, you have to be ready for it, and you can’t be ready when you’re still broken.
  10. Have more to your life than a relationship. You should be more than just the girl standing next to some guy. You might want to spend every waking hour with the boy you love, but the best thing you can do for the relationship is to give it some breathing room. You might be together, but you still need space and time for friends, family, career, and hobbies. Don’t worry — if he really loves you, he’ll still be there when you get back.
  11. Stop handing out unlimited chances. Second chances should be sacred. You need to reserve those gracious gifts for men who actually deserve them. You can’t keep letting guys walk all over you and break your heart again and again. No more second chances. You deserve a man’s very best from day one.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.