In Searching For Love, I Found Something Even Better — Myself

In Searching For Love, I Found Something Even Better — Myself ©iStock/janifest

I never imagined I’d be single and searching for love for as long as I have been, but here I am, still rolling solo and looking for the guy who will eventually be my forever. Even though this journey hasn’t been easy, it hasn’t been a total waste of energy. I can honestly say that if it wasn’t for spending these many years on my own, I wouldn’t be half the woman I am now. In searching for love, I found something even better — myself.

  1. I learned how to escape my codependency. I finally figured out that having a guy in my life wasn’t the only way to seek comfort and happiness. Having a great guy next to me in life is wonderful, but it’s not what I need to feel complete. I learned not to feel bored with just my own company. I finally learned how to be completely happy and content by myself, and I’m proud of that.
  2. I stepped out of my comfort zone and embraced solo adventures. Who says you need a guy or a friend to go out into the world alone? Screw that. When my friends aren’t available or there isn’t a date within reach, I just suck it up and go by myself. It’s absolutely liberating to sit in a movie theater with my own personal bag of popcorn or to order a fancy glass of Pinot Noir in my brand new dress that I’m rocking for no one but myself.
  3. I chased goals I’d been keeping on the back burner. While I was looking for love and coming up short, I started using my time more wisely. I’m no longer all about finding a boyfriend or running frantically to the latest guy in my life — I chase my own dreams first. I wanted to be a writer so I became a writer. I wanted to make my friendships stronger, so I focused on those. I wanted to get my finances in order and upgrade my car, so I worked my ass off to make it happen.
  4. I found so many new hobbies and passions. I got into things I normally wouldn’t have. While I’ve been introduced to amazing hobbies with guys I’ve dated, like fishing or watching an excessive amount of sports, these things don’t represent me. I explored things that I found on my own, like kickboxing, weight lifting and watching a ton of YouTube tutorials to learn how to do my makeup like a really sexy adult. Everything I am is the product of my own choosing — no guy can take credit for it.
  5. I realized what I truly want and need for love. In between searching my own soul, guys have come in and out of my life. It’s been a pretty tough process, but I’ve really zoned in on what I need and want from the forever guy in my life. What I wanted years ago is completely different than the kind of guy I know I need now. I don’t date so loosely anymore; I won’t date just anyone. Now I’m choosing the guys I allow into my world carefully. I’m done wasting my time with guys who aren’t what I want.
  6. I learned how to be more patient. I’ve learned so much about patience in the absence of a relationship. I used to be intensely impatient and wanted to be in a relationship as soon as possible. Over time, I’ve realized that’s not my real endgame. No matter what is meant or not meant for my future, the most important thing is that I’m happy for myself in the meantime, no matter how long it takes to find love.
  7. I trust my gut now. I trust my instincts in ways I never did before. I’ve become hyper-aware of the warning signs a guy displays from my own many trial and errors. I don’t need to put up with BS just to have love in my life, so I leave those crappy guys behind as soon as I see or feel their bad vibes. Since I’ve completely found myself, I don’t have time for that crap anymore.
  8. I learned to validate myself without a guy in my life. The moment I really knew that I had found so much more on my search for love was the moment I felt complete and absolute bliss with living life just for myself. I don’t need a guy to make me feel like this life I’m living has purpose and meaning — I’ve created a purpose for myself. I was looking for love, but through all the chaos of trying to find it, I found a love I didn’t even know I was looking for — the one with myself.