I’m a single woman and while I enjoy rolling solo, I do sometimes think it would be nice to have a partner by my side if it meant I didn’t have to give up too much of my independence. However, while I’ve never really been against committed relationships, but the more I see my friends in them, the less I want one.
For the longest time, it was just me, my friends, and I.
None of us were in committed relationships and honestly, none of us were really pressed to be in one. However, as we all graduated from college and started getting older, some pieces of the friend group began falling into serious relationships. Even the friend that hadn’t been on a date in three years was now shacked up with a boyfriend and two dogs. Suddenly, being single seemed to make me the odd one out.
All of a sudden, they were going ring shopping and talking engagement.
This is when I took my first step back. Committed to one person forever at 24? No thanks. I couldn’t even imagine living exclusively with a man right now, let alone spending the rest of my life with one. Maybe once you meet the right person your feelings on the matter change, but being engaged at this point in time is just downright scary. It was weird to me that they were all willing to give up their autonomy so easily.
They do everything together.
Literally everything. I’m talking grocery shop, watch TV, eat, sleep, everything. I know this is normal when you’re in a relationship, but as a woman who thrives off of her alone time, I couldn’t imagine a life like this. I need my alone time to unwind, gather my thoughts, and focus on my own energy. How does someone have time to do this if they’re with their significant other 24/7? Not to mention, spending girl time with your friends is nearly impossible.
Why do you stop seeing your friends as soon as they get boyfriends?
My one friend doesn’t go out on the weekends anymore, and if she does, her boyfriend is in attendance. I understand not going to a bar or club without your boyfriend, but not even brunch or shopping? Trying to get your committed friend out of the house on the weekends is like pulling teeth. All they want to do is spend time with their boyfriends (with whom they basically already live) or wait for him to get back from spending time with his friends (which is totally twisted, but that’s another story).
I constantly hear the phrase, “Let me ask __ if it’s okay.”
Excuse me, what? If I wasn’t already turned off by a serious relationship, I was now. You have to ask your boyfriend if you can go hang out with friends? Growing up and becoming an adult means being independent and answering for yourself. If I’m in a relationship, I want a partner to grow and build with, not another parent I have to ask permission from. Apparently, asking is a respect thing, but the last thing I want is to have to answer to another person.
They have to attend awkward parties or dinners out of obligation.
I’ve watched a friend physically cry because she didn’t want to attend her boyfriend’s family gathering and another get mad because she was forced into a double date with her boyfriend’s friend. I mean, who wants to deal with this? Not me! But, I guess you do things you don’t want to do for the person you love…
They’re putting less emphasis on career and more on family.
I don’t think it’s intentional, but I’ve witnessed it with my own two eyes. I have a friend who lives in a different state than her boyfriend and as time went by, she began to spend more and more time in Georgia. Her career allows this flexibility, but when I began to notice her spending less and less time on the clock, that’s when the red flag went up. She was more concerned with being there when he got off of work and spending time with their dogs than actually going to work herself. I’m very set on establishing myself and making money to support my future self, so seeing how a relationship changed her priorities without her even realizing it was a huge no-no for me.
A fight with their S.O. is equivalent to the Apocalypse.
They don’t want to get out of bed, the tears are endless, and the emotional despair is debilitating. Depending on the fight, I’ve even been sent to stalk exes and suspected mistresses on Instagram. I will admit it’s pretty fun when you’re single and not dealing with these issues, but for my friends, not so much. This type of emotional roller coaster is just something I don’t have time for, and it seems almost inevitable in every serious relationship. At this age, at least.
Being in a relationship is really expensive.
Not only for those who believe in splitting the cost or taking turns on the bill, but then you have things like Christmas and birthdays and if you’re really cute, those “just because” gifts. I’m trying to make ends meet myself, so adding another person into my budget is just not happening.
Maybe one day I’ll be ready for a serious relationship, but for now, it just doesn’t appeal to me.
I’m okay with being selfish and doing things for myself. I would rather focus on my energy, build my career and savings account, and spare the emotional distress while doing so. I’m happy for all my friends who are in committed relationships, but marriage will not be a thought in my head for at least another five years.
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