Are You A Selfish Girlfriend? 12 Signs You’re All About You

Selfishness is a tricky thing to notice. While it’s easy to spot in others, it’s not always easy to find within ourselves. You might think you’re an awesome girlfriend without realizing that you’re always putting yourself first and being selfish. With that in mind, it’s time to come clean and change your toxic behavior. Here are 12 signs to keep an eye out for so you can start being less about you and more about having a healthy, happy relationship.

You want it your way. You don’t like it when your partner sets the table – it has to be done your way. You don’t like it when your partner chooses what restaurant you go to for dinner – you’d rather choose your favorite one. If you want to head out to a club but your partner wants to go out to movies, nine out of 10 times you’re the one who wins and he’s got to compromise. It’s not cool if your partner’s always having to be the one to sigh and fall in step with you.

You always think you’re right. During an argument, you’ll fight until your partner surrenders – you don’t care that you seem obnoxious, you just know that you’re right. But you can’t always be right. The danger of thinking you’re right and your partner’s wrong is that you’ll value your opinions over his on every little thing, leaving him no room to express himself or even breathe.

You don’t say those two important words. “I’m sorry” is one of the most important things you can say after a fight or disagreement with your partner. But if you never say them, you’re earning yourself the selfish GF label. Your partner always has to be the one to come to you and apologize, which actually just reinforces your belief that you’re right. Oh hell. How long is he going to stick around for that?

You want your partner to change. If you always think you’re right and you fight for what you want without ever taking your partner’s wants into consideration, you might very well expect that your partner will change to suit your needs. This could involve them changing their hobbies, lifestyle, or social circle to accommodate your needs and keep you happy. There’s no doubt that sooner or later their resentment will start to build.

You can’t remember when last you asked about their day. When you get together with your partner, you’re quick to talk about your day and what pissed you off or made you laugh, but think about it – when last did you stop and ask how their day was while genuinely wanting to know? If it was ages ago, then you need to start being a more attentive and caring partner.

You feel like your stuff is more important. You might not think you believe that your career, passions, and dramas are more important than those of your partner, but if you’re guilty of the following things then you should take stock of your thoughts and behaviors: you roll your eyes when your partner moans about their bad day, you don’t celebrate with them about their successes but get angry if they’re not there for you, you expect them to be interested in your dreams, but again you’re not really showing much interest in what makes their soul come alive.

You shut down during conflict. If your partner tells you about something you’ve done that hurt them, you immediately shut down so that you don’t have to move through those difficult emotions. However, you will confront your partner and demand that they discuss things when those things are important to you. It’s just not fair.

You expect your partner to accommodate you. Your schedule is “super busy” so you expect your partner to always be the one to juggle around his schedule to see you. For example, when you’re late for a date you expect your partner to wait for you, even if it’s inconvenient for them, or you want to sit pretty while your partner bends over backward to make you happy. It’s just not sustainable.

You’re queen of the guilt trip. You take your partner for granted because you just expect that they’ll be there for you and do what you want, but if they don’t meet your expectations then you’re quick to make them feel guilty. You might ask your partner for a favor and then get mad when they can’t do it for you, such as by saying, “You can’t even do this one thing for me?” Hello! You’re totally ignoring all the things that your partner does do for you.

You talk over him. Do you value your voice over your partner’s? While it’s good to know your worth, if you’re always interrupting your partner or talking over them, soon they’ll likely shut down because they know you’re not actually interested in what they have to say. Meanwhile, when you’re talking about your stuff, you expect your partner to give you their undivided attention.

You want your partner around all the time. You want to monopolize your partner’s time so that they’re always around you when you want them. Sure, it’s fun to want to spend as much time as possible with them, but it’s not cool to make it seem like you’re trying to control them. For example, if they cancel on you because of something important, you get upset because they’re not meeting your expectations. When they can’t meet you when you’re available, you attack them or give them the silent treatment. Phew, it’s not always easy dating you because you’re quite inflexible when it comes to meeting your partner halfway.

You’re easily distracted. This is another bad communication habit you’re making that makes you seem selfish. When your partner’s talking to you, you get distracted easily – perhaps by your cute puppy or your phone that’s beeping with new notifications. This makes your partner feel like you’re not really present or that you don’t give a damn about what they feel and think. Do you? It’s time to show it!

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