Seeking Closure From A Toxic Ex Totally Derailed My Healing

I stayed in a relationship with a toxic guy for way too long before I eventually saw sense and managed to cut him off. However, I ended up re-opening that door to seek closure and it didn’t end well.

We were only together for a few months. Even though we weren’t technically dating that long, the relationship with my ex did irrevocable damage to my happiness and self-esteem. Not only did he constantly make me believe that I was worthless, but he also seemed to enjoy toying with my emotions on a daily basis.

Our relationship was a nightmare. He was always going on nights out and being pictured with other girls, which I then saw splashed all over social media. When I confronted him, he would tell me how hot he found these girls before switching off his phone so I couldn’t contact him. Needless to say, it would cause World War III. He’d later apologize and I’d stupidly forgive him, only for it to happen again the next week.

We weren’t compatible in the slightest. All we had in common were our initial feelings for each other. However, these feelings seemed to disappear pretty quickly after I learned what kind of a human being he was. Love turned into like, dislike, and then—ultimately—hate. 

It took me a long time to summon up the strength to end things. Even though I knew that the relationship wasn’t healthy, I found it really difficult to end it. I kept putting it off, thinking that he would eventually see sense and change if I was more patient or tried a bit harder. However, I finally realized that I was fighting a losing battle after the millionth argument and cut him out of my life.

We didn’t talk for months. Even though I deleted my toxic ex off all social media channels and blocked his number, I couldn’t stop myself thinking about things and wondering where it all went wrong. I never wanted him back but I did want answers. He’d never fought for me or the relationship and I always wondered why.

I unblocked his number. I decided to reach out a few months later for my own peace of mind. I just wanted to ask him why he treated me the way he did and why he was so quick to let me go. Was it because he was confused about whether he wanted to be in a relationship, because he didn’t really like me or because he was just a pitiful human being? I had to know.

He replied but wouldn’t answer my questions. He asked how I was and that’s about it. He said he didn’t want to drag up the past and seemed oblivious when I told him how much he’d hurt me. All my questions were ignored, even when I practically begged him for closure.

It put me back to square one. I’d been feeling super strong and independent since the breakup, like back to my usual badass self. Then I contacted my toxic ex and suddenly I felt stupid and belittled again. A few text messages from him had undone all my hard work and I was filled with instant regret.

I got angry. I couldn’t help myself—I had to send him one last message. I had to tell him how much he made my life into a living hell while we were together. I had to tell him that no woman deserves what I had to deal with—they deserve to be treated with respect and he should be ashamed of himself. Once I sent the message, I immediately blocked him again.

I felt like I had to get over him all over again. I thought I was doing the right thing by seeking closure but it only made me feel worse. I realized that my ex probably couldn’t respond to my questions because he didn’t even know the answers himself. A toxic person rarely knows that they’re toxic. Even though I slipped up and ended up momentarily delaying my healing process, I got there in the end—and I’m so proud of myself for refusing to accept less than what I deserve in a relationship.

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