To risk stating the obvious, some guys are only interested in hooking up. That’s cool if you’re down for that too, but if you’re in search of a man who’s boyfriend material, a guy who exhibits these signs only wants to hook up.
- He’s surrounded by women. If he’s surrounded by other women, usually friends or the girlfriends of his friends, he wants to make it seem like he’s an appealing option. He’s trying to create demand by almost making it seem like he’s already taken. If a guy is looking to get into a relationship, he’s probably not going to try to make you jealous right off the bat.
- He doesn’t warm up to you right away. Yes, this is indeed a game he’s playing. A guy who’s open to a relationship will be excited to talk to you; a guy who’s only looking for one thing will slow play it. He’ll wait for you to flirt with him until he can gauge if you’re the one-night stand type or willing to give it up after a date or two. If he doesn’t think that’ll be the case, he won’t bother trying to chat you up. Bottom line, if you have to try too hard after striking up a conversation with a guy, he’s probably not worth it.
- He only talks about how you look. This is one of the most obvious signs he only wants to hook up. You probably don’t have a problem with a guy complimenting your appearance, but if he can’t say anything that doesn’t involve trying to flatter you based on your looks, he has ulterior motives. He may ask you a couple of questions and let you talk, but if he keeps coming back to how hot you look right now, it should be obvious that hooking up is all he wants.
- He wants to stay in. Staying in is fine once you’ve been dating a while, but if a guy asks you out on a first or second date that involves being at his house, he only cares about getting some. The crafty fellows will at least offer to cook you dinner so there’s something in it for you. However, most guys think there will be a better chance of the night ending in something if you never leave home in the first place. These types of guys aren’t going to be going for hikes or a walk in the park. Instead, they just want to stay in to watch a movie, knowing it’s their chance to make a move.
- His hands are busy. In theory, there’s nothing wrong with a guy crossing the touch barrier soon after you meet him—it shows that he’s interested in you and not afraid to be affectionate. But if he’s a little too handsy, it does show a lack of respect because he doesn’t seem to be concerned with your boundaries and whether or not you’re comfortable with so much touching. Also, if his hands are always busy, it indicates he wants to get busy with more than just his hands.
- He agrees with everything you say. This can be hard to pick up on because maybe you two are just hitting it off. However, if he’s agreeing with everything you say, it could also be a sign that he wants to get into your good graces and put you in a good mood. He thinks that if you hear him agreeing with you, you’ll subconsciously want to return the favor and agree to sleep with him before the night is over.
- He’s undeterred by red flags. This is one of the biggest signs he only wants to hook up. If a guy really wants to sleep with you, he doesn’t care about anything else. You can literally say anything (outside of telling him you have an STD) and he will roll with it if he thinks there’s a chance of getting more. You can say something super weird or unsettling and he’ll be completely fine with it. In his mind, he knows it’s a one-night stand or bust, so he’s not concerned about any weird hangups you might have that could hinder an actual relationship.
- He doesn’t ask you serious questions. Obviously, you’re not going to get too deep when talking about yourself with someone you just met, but if a guy only asks you superficial questions, it means he has no intention of ever getting to know you over the long haul. He’s merely trying to make conversation until you’re comfortable enough with him to go back to his place.
- He keeps you away from his friends. A guy that’s looking for a potential girlfriend won’t mind if you join him and his friends. He’ll want to see if you can get along with them and perhaps get their input on you. On the contrary, a guy who’s only looking for one thing is probably going to fly solo. He may have a wingman to help separate you from your friends, but for the most part, guys who are looking for a one-night stand will operate alone.
- Fumbling is quick. By now it could be too late, but if a guy rushes through it, he probably has no intention of seeing you after the deed is done. If he knows he won’t see you again, there’s no incentive for him to take his time and worry about your needs.
- Your gut tells you something is off. More than anything, you should trust your gut when it comes to picking out guys who only care about sleeping with you and nothing else. This doesn’t mean you should rush to judgment and risk missing out on meeting one of the good guys. Remember, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s probably an idiot who’s only out for one thing.
What to do when he’s only interested in sex
- Stop sleeping with him if you have been. If you’ve been having sex with him while he’s been giving you the bare minimum (which is really nothing at all), now’s the time to stop. The more you put up with him treating you as discardable, the worse his behavior will get. It’s clear that he’s using you, so don’t let him. Cut off his supply immediately.
- Make it clear you’re looking for a relationship. Maybe you weren’t upfront with him when you started seeing each other about the fact that you’re actually looking for a relationship, not just a quick hookup. That probably won’t change anything for him since he’s clearly not on the same page, but it will let him know that you’re onto his game and you’re not putting up with it.
- Take a massive step back. In addition to no longer sleeping with him, just back away from him altogether. Don’t reach out to make plans with him, don’t answer his texts (at least not right away), don’t like his selfies, any of it. Remove yourself from his life and don’t go back on that unless he miraculously proves himself worthy. (Spoiler alert: not likely.)
- Remember your worth. It can be pretty upsetting to realize that the guy you really like is only interested in hooking up with you, but that has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you. It’s important to engage in some serious self-care here and practice self-love too. You are worthy of love, respect, and consideration. This guy isn’t giving it to you so he has to go.
- Block and delete. The only way to proceed here is to block him on pretty much any channel you had to contact each other and delete him altogether. He’s not worth your time and energy, so move on to someone who is.