Does He Actually Want To Date You Or Just Hook Up With You? Here’s How You Know

All the flirting is starting to pay off and you’re having a great conversation. Now the big question: Is this all about sex or is there something more there? Sometimes it’s hard to see the signs he wants to make things a bit more serious and take your relationship to… well, any level. Give it a little time and it’s not really that hard to figure out. Guys tend to make their intentions fairly obvious with their actions. Don’t expect him to just flat-out say what he wants. In that area, guys are just as confusing as women. If you really want to know how you can tell if you’re being upgraded, here are some signs he wants to date you.

Signs he actually wants to date you

1. He calls or texts often.

As long as those calls and texts aren’t late-night booty calls, it’s a good sign when he can’t seem to get enough of you. This means he really wants to get to know you and not just know your body. He may not call you every single day, but he will try to contact you at least several days a week. After all, he wants to date you, not drive you away. When you start talking every day, you’ve definitely got a potential relationship on your hands.

2. He makes plans in advance rather than last minute.

One of the clearest signs that a guy wants to date you is when he doesn’t just rely on you being available when he’s bored last minute but actually takes the time to make plans with you that are thoughtful, fun, and take any commitments or other plans you might have into account. He’s not arrogant enough to assume that you’ll always be available whenever he wants you.

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4. Your connection goes beyond surface level.

When a guy wants to date you, he’ll show it by trying to forge a deeper connection with you. That means having conversations sometimes about uncomfortable topics and being willing to be vulnerable with each other. “When a guy is truly into dating you, he’ll be curious about your life, hobbies, and aspirations. He’ll ask thoughtful questions and listen attentively,” divorce lawyer and family expert Laura Wasser tells Bolde.

5. He makes time for you even when he’s busy.

Everyone is busy, so that’s no excuse for flaking on a potential date or barely having any time for them. One of the most telling signs that a guy wants to date you and isn’t just interested in getting laid is that no matter how much he has going on in his life, he’s never too busy to text or call you and he always has at least an hour or two to grab coffee or dinner with you. He wants to cultivate your relationship and is aware that doing so means an investment of time and energy.

6. He’s open about his feelings and doesn’t try to play it cool.

If your relationship was going to be purely sexual, there’d be no need to get emotional with one another. That would only complicate things and make them way more serious than he wanted them to be. That’s why it’s so great when a guy is emotionally available and willing to put himself out there to make it clear that he likes you. He doesn’t try to act aloof or play you hot and cold. Instead, he’s direct about the fact that he’s wild about you and having fun getting to know you, which makes you feel safe enough to do the same.

7. There’s nothing shady about his behavior.

How many times have you been talking to a guy, only to start seeing wildly waving red flags when it comes to the things he says and does? Maybe he’s super shady with his phone or you catch him still being active on dating apps. Maybe he goes AWOL for days on end before suddenly popping up again and acting like he never left. Whatever the case, none of those things are a concern with this guy, and it’s pretty refreshing not to have to second-guess everything he says and does.

8. He’s consistent and reliable.

If he says he’s going to call you at 10 p.m, he does. If he promises that he’ll pick you up from work on Friday night so you can go out for Indian, he’s there the minute you clock out, ready and waiting. You don’t have to worry about whether or not you can rely on him because you know you can. He’s a source of stability in your life, which is a pretty clear sign he’s looking for a real relationship.

9. He’s all about putting in the effort.

He knows that he has something special with you and that if he doesn’t honor that, someone else will. Because of that, he’s more than willing to put in the effort not only to win you over but to prove himself as a potential boyfriend. He goes out of his way to show you that he’s worth investing in, and he probably is. “Pay attention to the little things he does that shows he cares, like remembering your favorite ice cream or supporting you during a tough day,” Wasser says.

10. He makes room for you in his life and tries to become part of yours.

He has a great group of friends and a supportive family, but that doesn’t mean there’s no room for you in his life. One of the most touching signs that a guy wants to date you is when he makes space for you in his life. This can be literal space, like giving you a drawer at his place to keep your stuff in, or it could be more figurative, like giving up one of his guys’ nights to watch Netflix on the couch with you. At the same time, he makes himself available to be part of your life too, whether to be your plus-one at your cousin’s wedding or coming over to eat pizza when you’ve had a crappy day at work.

11. You’re the only girl he’s interested in.

Guys tend to be more single-minded when it comes to dating. They put all their effort into getting to know you and making sure you only notice them. If he’s constantly checking out other women or he talks about his other hookups, he’s not ready to date you. If you’re the only girl he’s really paying attention to, that’s a pretty good sign.

12. He’s waiting to make a move.

Sometimes you get that immediate physical connection, but a guy who really wants to date you will wait before he makes any serious moves. Guys wanting a hookup try to make a move as quickly as possible. Waiting lets you know he respects you as a possible girlfriend. Patience is a great sign.

13. He’s tired of casual dating.

This is one of the more obvious signs he wants to date you. Instead of trying to be subtle about it, he’s letting you know upfront he wants something more serious in his life and not just casual hookups. This is great news. Not only does he know what he wants, he’s not afraid to say it.

14. He wants you to meet his friends.

Guys love to introduce their new girlfriends to their friends. If he’s already talking about wanting to organize a group hangout session or he hints at a double date, odds are good that he’s interested in more than hooking up. Hookups rarely merit meeting the friends unless it’s by accident. “If he’s eager to have you meet his close friends, that’s a great indicator he’s serious about a relationship. It shows he’s proud to be seen with you and values your presence in his life,” Wasser says.

15. He seems less confident.

This might not seem like a great sign, but it actually is. That little bit of shyness shows he cares about what you think. Guys wanting to hook up tend to be more confident and kind of cocky. They really don’t care what you think as long as you want to go back to his place. It’s really cute when he’s not quite as sure of himself but still puts himself out there on the off chance you might agree to a date.

16. You go on real dates.

Has he taken you out in public and spent time talking to you? Guys aren’t going to go overboard when it comes to hooking up. At best, he’ll call you to come over and have pizza delivered. When he wants to date you, he’s eager to impress you. This means going to a restaurant or even cooking you a romantic dinner at his place. It should be obvious, but real dates do mean you’re dating.

17. He loves simple PDA.

You’d think a guy that wants to hook up would be all over you in public. The problem is, he doesn’t want other women thinking the two of you are an item. A guy that wants to date you doesn’t mind holding your hand, kissing you, hugging you, and making it very obvious that he only has eyes for you. Think about those cutesy couples that first start dating that can’t keep their hands off each other – it’s a blatant sign they’re dating.

18. He shares something personal.

One of the ways a guy puts himself out there is by sharing something personal. It could be his biggest fear or an embarrassing anecdote from his childhood. The idea is to give you a look inside his life so you’ll do the same. The more you know about him, the more likely it is you’re dating.

19. He doesn’t ignore you.

Nothing’s more annoying than assuming you’re dating a guy only to have him ignore you. You have to wait hours or even days before he calls you back. His only texts are quick and meaningless, such as “hi” or “what’s up.” You try to bring up going out together, but he’s always busy unless he wants you to come over. The more interested a guy is, the more likely he wants to date you.

20. He wants to know more about you.

A guy isn’t going to waste his time learning what your interests are if he just thinks of you as an occasional hookup. If he’s interested in dating you, he’s going to ask you questions, such as what you love to do in your spare time, what foods you like and don’t like, what your favorite music is, and even what you do for a living. These are all questions that help him learn more about you and give him clues on how to plan better dates.

21. He’s not shy when it comes to talking about the future.

As Wasser points out, “A guy who talks about future events and includes you in those plans is signaling his intent to keep you in his life beyond the short-term.” If he was only interested in hooking up, he would avoid talking about next week, let alone next year. Willingness to talk about a future indicates his desire to share one with you.

22. He straight-up tells you he wants to date you.

It doesn’t get more obvious than this. If only all guys would use their words and come out and say this if that’s how they’re feeling. It would make dating a whole lot easier and less frustrating.

Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.