He might be single but that doesn’t mean he’s in a good place for love or capable of being a great partner. If any of these 14 things sound familiar, he’s too emotionally unavailable for a relationship.
He didn’t ask you out first. Sure, he probably flirted with you a lot, but you were the one who suggested coffee. No judgment here—it’s 2019 and there’s nothing wrong with being the one to make the first move. However, it kind of sucks that if you weren’t pushing things along, they never would have gone anywhere to begin with.
He talks a lot but doesn’t say anything of substance. He doesn’t talk about his career, goals, or family. The only topics he’s comfortable with are inconsequential ones: his car, his favorite football teams, and what kind of beer he likes. You can tell whether a guy is emotionally unavailable by what he says—and more importantly, what he doesn’t say.
He just got out of a relationship. It doesn’t matter why the relationship ended—there’s no way he’s ready for a new one. Even if he says he is, he’s not. We all need time to mourn and process a relationship and actually get over that person. You don’t want to date this guy only to learn a few weeks later he’s getting back together with his ex.
He’s a huge flirt. He could be in a committed relationship with you and still have to get his flirt on. I’m not saying he’s a cheater but he definitely likes to keep his options open, which is why he flirts with pretty much anything that has a pulse. Bad news!
His past isn’t resolved. Does he still have a few skeletons in his closet? That means he hasn’t put in work to resolve his past mistakes. Emotionally available guys are mature enough to own up to their past and forge a new way forward. They don’t want to keep bridges burnt or leave people hanging.
He cuts people out of his life a little too easily. He’s a little too quick to drop people from his life. Why? Because he’s emotionally unavailable. He can’t help it. Most of his friends come and go because he doesn’t try to sustain those relationships—or any relationships for that matter. This pretty much proves that he’s not forming deep connections with anyone. Is that really the kind of shallow relationship you want to be in?
He gets upset over pretty much nothing. Does he get upset out of nowhere? Sounds like he doesn’t have the emotional maturity to understand, process, and cope with his feelings. He doesn’t want to spend hours talking about your emotions and he gets upset whenever you try to pull any out of him. Do you know what that is? A recipe for disaster.
He comes and goes. His emotions seem to be ever-changing. Sometimes he calls you every day and other times he goes way too long without reaching out. It’s not you—emotionally unavailable people are in a constant struggle with themselves. A part of them wants to open up and get close but another part thinks they should steer clear altogether.
He’s in denial about the state of affairs. He doesn’t see a problem with his lifestyle and that’s a huge sign he’s emotionally unavailable. If he wasn’t, he’d want to hear your opinions. Even better, he’d try to make a change. Unfortunately, he’s happy living his troubled bachelor life and you can’t change him.
You’re not allowed to be “needy.” He’s not the kind of guy who gets along with needy people. He’s too emotionally unavailable for that, which is why you go out of your way to appear totally independent and unaffectionate. You know that if you showed an ounce of clinginess or need for reassurance, he’d drop you.
He’s all about the physical. He doesn’t make you uncomfortable but he’s very physical. He loves kissing in public and making you orgasm whenever he can. While you might not find this behavior to be a bad thing, it could be a sign he’s emotionally unavailable. He’s overcompensating with sex because he doesn’t like talking.
He doesn’t have any goals. He has no idea what he wants out of his life and that’s exactly how he likes it. You can try all you want to discuss the future but he’ll dodge your questions every time. The idea of getting older and having responsibilities makes him nervous, so he pretends it’s not happening.
He refuses to compromise. He doesn’t see the need for compromise, and why would he? He’s spent years doing whatever he wants whenever he wants. He’s in a committed relationship with himself and he’s the only person he’ll compromise for.
He doesn’t truly let people in. When you first met him, you thought he was a social butterfly. Maybe he really is, but that doesn’t mean he actually forms connections with people. If he has hundreds of friends but no one to call in a time of crisis, he’s emotionally unavailable. If he doesn’t let people in, chances are he’s not going to start with you.
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