Signs You’ve Become Unhealthily Cynical About Love

Love is a many splendored thing, right? Actually, sometimes love feels like the biggest pain in the ass. I think we all reach a certain breaking point in our lives where we think, “You know what, screw this — down with love!” We swear off men and roll our eyes at all the happy couples we see, among other things. Have you reached that point? Are you unsure? Here are some signs that you’re unhealthily cynical about love.

  1. You can’t stand rom-coms. Sure, it’s one thing to prefer a David Lynch film fest over a Nora Ephron one, but do you find yourself getting to the point where every romantic movie ever just makes you retch? Are you wishing Harry never met Sally? Want to throttle Holly Golightly with her own cat? Does the mere sight of Ryan Gosling make you shudder? Yup, you’re totally over it. It’s a shame, too. They’re great movies.
  2. You eye roll everything having to do with love. Friend’s boyfriend gets her flowers? Eye roll. Guy sends you a nice message on Tinder? Eye roll. Get hit on at a bar? Yup, you guessed it, it’s another eye roll. You’re working Liz Lemon eye roll powers. That means you’re not just cynical about love, you pretty much hate it.
  3. You don’t give anyone a chance. This is for all the single gals out there who are just. So. Over. It. And because of it, you refuse to give anybody new a chance. You just assume that all guys (or girls) are solely looking to get into your pants, and that’s it. You think, “Why even bother?” So you just sit yourself down, and turn yourself off. You could be HUGELY missing out, but your powers of cynicism are just that strong.
  4. You side-eye your friends’ boyfriends. You give all your friends’ BFs major side-eye, because you’re just waiting for them to screw up and have your friends come running you to in tears. You expect any minor tiff they have to turn into an all-out war, with you having to play the role of therapist. You just don’t trust them not to screw it up.
  5. You’ve shut down. You turned yourself off, completely. You’re not open to new love, not even open to flirting. You’re like a robot that went into power down mode. You may as well wear a sign that says, “No, don’t even.” Because you can’t. Even.
  6. You stopped caring about your appearance. Okay, okay, hear me out. It’s not just, “I’m making a quick Starbucks run so I’m going to go sans makeup.” No. It’s more like, “I haven’t showered in 4 days and I’m not gonna start now.” Giving up on your appearance speaks to a larger issue. And not just makeup, but you’ve stopped bothering with cute outfits or perfect hair. You think, “What’s the point of primping? I’m not going to meet anyone, anyway.” Who’s rolling up to the bar in sweatpants and unkempt hair? It’s YOU, superstar!
  7. Weddings make you vom. You might not even go to the wedding; it all depends upon who’s getting married, and how much it’s going to cost you. And you secretly place bets with yourself on how long it’s going to last. What? You can’t help it. You call it being realistic; everyone else calls it being cynical. Meh.
  8. You decline any and all dates. You’re not willing to take a chance, because all you can think is, “What’s the point?” You know there’s no one out there you’d want to date. Yeah, your friend raves about her boyfriend’s coworker, but what does she know, anyway?
  9. You have an irrational hatred towards Valentine’s Day. Sure, Valentine’s Day can be cheesy as hell, but it’s about embracing the cheese, or at the very least, being able to ignore it without hating on it. To you, it’s not just another holiday or another ordinary day; it’s an evil day designed to make you feel bad, and you scorn anyone who celebrates it. If that’s not being cynical about love, we don’t know what is.
  10. You assume your partner is cheating on you. If you’re in a couple, you’re anything but optimistic about it. If they’re late meeting up with you or take more than 30 seconds to respond to your text, you assume it’s because they’re with someone else. Maybe you even go through their phone or emails for “proof” of said cheating. Why? Because you couldn’t possibly believe that anyone would want to be with you, or stay with you.
  11. You’re stuck in your ways. If you’ve been single for a long period of time, the thought of getting back into the dating world could make you want to laugh sarcastically for half an hour. You know you’re super stuck in your own ways and your schedule isn’t flexible for anyone to sneak into your life. While it’s good to have your own life, make sure you’re not shutting out potentially amazing connections.
  12. You go awol when friends get into relationships. When your bestie gets into a new relationship, you’re the one who distances yourself from her. This is because you don’t want to hear all about her new man or how lovesick she’s become. But what about saving your friendship?!
  13. You think less of people who choose love. When someone tells you that they chose a relationship over their career, do you judge them because you hate love? When a single-forever friend decides to get into a new relationship, do you make her feel like she’s settling, even though she doesn’t? It’s one thing to choose not to be with anyone, but you shouldn’t judge others for choosing that lifestyle. Keep your cynical point of view about love to yourself.
  14. You bail out of first dates. You don’t want to waste your time on dates, so if you see that you and the guy you’ve just met don’t have much of a connection right off the bat, you won’t sit around and wait to see what could possibly happen. You’re out of the coffee shop like the building’s on fire.
  15. You generalize about guys. You might think that all guys are cheaters or all guys are going to hurt you. But, take a step back and think if this is actually true. For starters, you haven’t dated all men in the world, so you don’t know. You might also have to tweak your dating type so that you stop dating the same old kinds of guys. It seems like you’re pretty cynical about love.
  16. You’re terrified of being trapped. You might avoid dating because you’re terrified of committing to a relationship and being stifled. Maybe you’ve been in the situation of losing yourself to a relationship, and you don’t want that to happen again. But, this doesn’t mean you have to become a commitment phone. It just means you should set some healthy boundaries so you don’t find yourself in the same situation again.
  17. You don’t enjoy dating. Dating is supposed to be fun, but you don’t feel the first-date excitement. You only feel the nerves and anxiety associated with dating someone new, and in this way, dating can feel torturous. Are you afraid to feel butterflies before a date because you don’t want to get hurt?
  18. You refuse to try any dating apps. You’ve been on dating apps in the past and never had any luck. You’re so sick of finding the same kinds of guys who don’t want anything serious or who just waste your time. So, when someone’s raving about how they found love on a dating app, you can’t help but roll your eyes. Maybe it’s worth it to switch things up and try other ways of meeting people.
  19. You freeze guys out. When you meet a new guy and he’s nice to you, you shut him down immediately. You might give him bitter or biting remarks as though you’re trying to show him that you’re not going to accept his attempt at being nice because you see right through it. Woah. Maybe he really was nice, but you’ll never know if you don’t let things play out!
  20. You don’t believe compliments. When a guy tells you that you’re pretty or smart, do you roll your eyes or tell him that he’s full of s**t? Not only does this make you seem jaded, but it also tells the world that you don’t believe in or love yourself. Yup, you’re definitely cynical about love.
  21. You’re always in damage control. When you go on a date, you’re always prepared for the worst-case scenario. The same goes for when you start a new relationship. You expect that you’re going to get hurt, so you’re already preparing for it to happen, right? The problem with this approach is that you never give yourself a chance to see what happens – life can surprise you sometimes, but you might miss it.
  22. You end things first. You want to protect your heart, so you always end things first, whether you’re dating someone or you’re their official girlfriend. You do this as a way to prevent yourself from getting hurt, but it also means you could be cutting someone valuable out of your life for no good reason.

Hey, it’s okay to not be optimistic 24/7. What’s not okay is completely giving up, because you’re doing yourself a huge disservice. You’re worth it, you’re worth love and worthy of love, truly. Don’t let the cynicism win.

Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles, California. Her favorite thing to do is eat, sleep, and repeat. If you enjoy reading about dating and Los Angeles and pop culture, check out her book, "I Forgot To Be Famous."