Being In A Situationship Is Nothing Short Of Torture

The “situationship” is the modern day romance. It’s two people holding onto each other while keeping one foot out the door. It’s the result of not wanting to label anything and just “keep it chill” or “see what happens,” and this is why it’s actually the worst:

  1. You’re in some weird purgatory that’s frustrating AF. You feel like you could fall back into being just friends at any moment. There’s a reason why hell is sometimes described as an “undetermined limbo” in movies and books. You don’t know where you stand, and you don’t even know what you are. It’s the “not knowing” part that’s hell.
  2. You feel like it could end at any moment. You like this person, otherwise you wouldn’t be hanging out with him. The thought of perhaps not being with him anymore makes you incredibly sad, yet at the same time, you try to not think about him too much as to not grow attached. You just need to know whether you should be freaking out if he hasn’t texted you in a week or not. It’s not too much to ask.
  3. You’re friends constantly bug you about it. When you still reply with “we’re taking it slow” after six months, your friends will absolutely start bothering you about it. You know they’re just looking out for you, and a part of you knows they’re right. It’s just that you think about it enough as it is — you don’t need everyone else’s opinions weighing you down.
  4. You still feel like you’re single. Even though you are with(ish) someone, you still feel like the single one at social gatherings and events. I mean, you can’t even say you have a boyfriend, so according to your friends and family, you’re still single AF. Yay.
  5. When guys hit on you, you can’t use the “boyfriend” excuse. Nor should you ever have to, but it’s always nice to shut ’em down with the boyfriend line. I mean, you could absolutely still use the line against an unwanted suitor — it’s just not going to be as convincing as if it were really true.
  6. It feels shallow. Only when a relationship becomes exclusive can both parties feel comfortable enough to bare their souls to each other. This is when you stop competing to see who cares the least and really put it all out there. You’re never going to get that kind of freedom in a perpetual situationship.
  7. It’s like casual dating, except it lasts forever. Casual dating is annoying enough as it is — situationships take it to a whole new level. In casual dating, you’re often left in the dark for a few weeks; in a situationship you could be left in the dark for months or even years. Spooky.
  8. You’re paranoid AF about who he’s hanging out with and what he’s doing. This one just makes you want to tear your hair out. You so badly want to be that cool chick who’s fine with “just hanging out,” and sometimes you actually pull it off. However, most of the time you’re over-analyzing to no end: “Who’s that girl he’s hanging out with? Is he moving on? Is he breaking up with me? Oh wait — there’s nothing to break up from.”
  9. You don’t know what to say when people ask if you’re a couple. When people assume the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing, it gets incredibly awkward, especially since you’ve never talked about it with each other. You both just brush it off and affirm that you’re just friends, but seriously — for how much longer must this madness last?
  10. You waste time thinking about how to broach the topic of exclusivity to him If you could count the hours you’ve wasted thinking about what the relationship is or how to talk to him about defining it, you would have an entire week down the drain, maybe even more. You’ve slipped in hints here and there, but he’s not bringing it up, and now it’s up to you. It truly is pure torture.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.