The Guy I Slept With Is Ignoring Me Now — What Gives?

The guy I slept with is ignoring me now. Sadly, this is a common problem and it means that once you hop into bed with him, you may never hear from him again. I’m not saying that all guys are out there to hit it and quit it, so to speak, but it does happen quite often. Why does this happen? There are a variety of reasons a guy might decide to ghost you right after sleeping with you for the first time and none of them are particularly pretty.

  1. You didn’t realize he only wanted a one-night stand. Unfortunately, guys don’t walk around with shirts that say “Only looking to hook up.” If that’s how he feels or you’ve gone on a few dates but he’s only interested in sleeping with you, he probably won’t come out and admit that because he’ll think it’s going to ruin his chances to get you into bed (which it likely would). Not to play the blame game, but you may have misread his intentions or believed a carefully crafted lie. In either event, he just wanted sex and nothing else, so once he’s achieved that goal, he has no reason to call or text you again.
  2. He only wanted the chase. He liked you when he couldn’t have you. It was thrilling and held his attention because he had to try to figure out how to win you over. In this case, he views you as a game, and the challenge is getting you to like him enough to sleep with him. Once he’s done that, he feels that he’s won and has no need to contact you again. Sadly, this kind of guy isn’t a man of character.
  3. He’s not sure you want more. Again, I’m sorry if it seems like I’m blaming you ladies, but is it possible he’s not sure that you wanted more out of him? Not all men are particularly smart, and as far as I know, none of us are mind readers. After you’ve slept together, this guy might be wondering if you even want him to call you so he starts ignoring you. Maybe he thinks you were only looking for a one-night stand and didn’t actually mean it when you said to call him. If you can, make it crystal clear that you want things to progress more than just sleeping together one time.
  4. He didn’t love the sex. If the sex wasn’t particularly good, some guys will feel that there’s no point seeing you again if the sexual chemistry isn’t there. I know some people say try, try again. However, many men aren’t keen on getting together if things are lackluster in the bedroom because they don’t see the potential for a relationship.
  5. He’s already seeing someone else. Just because you slept with someone doesn’t mean they aren’t seeing other people. Of course, you have the right to see other people too. It’s possible that you slept with a guy right around the time he decided to get serious with someone else he was seeing. Also, after sleeping with you, he might decide that he prefers someone else that he’s been dating. Not to make excuses, but these aren’t the easiest situations to navigate, so perhaps ghosting you right after sleeping with you was his best option.
  6. You called or texted too soon. No matter the situation, guys hate it when a woman gets ahead of herself. Even after sleeping together for the first time, you don’t want to expect too much too soon. Try giving him a little bit of time to make sense of things. If you start texting or calling right away as if you’re already his girlfriend, he could get spooked and ghost you as a response to your clinginess.
  7. He’s not ready for something serious. If a guy sleeps with you, especially after a few dates, it’s possible that he likes you. But that doesn’t mean he’s ready for something serious. Some guys are afraid of getting attached to someone after hopping into bed with them. It’s kind of an intimate thing after all. If he’s worried he’ll get too attached if he keeps seeing you, he might just disappear right after sleeping with you.
  8. He’s waiting for you to get in touch. Nobody said that a guy has to make the first move every time. Again, he might not know what you want or how you want to proceed after sleeping together for the first time. Without sounding too eager, try contacting him first and letting him know what you want so that he’s not unsure whether you want him to contact you or not.
  9. You got clingy right after sex. Again, I don’t mean to play the blame game, but did you try to get him to cuddle with you right after sex? Did you start acting like you two are already in a serious relationship just because you slept together? That can be enough to get a guy to run and hide. You might want something more, but try not to act too clingy or put too much pressure on a guy after sleeping with him.
  10. He doesn’t see a future. Sorry, but even if a guy slept with you, it’s possible that he’s just not that into you. He might not think that you two are compatible or have a future together. Clearly, he thought you were hot, which is why he wanted to sleep with you. But at the same time, it’s possible that he doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere for one reason or another.

While it sucks to realize that you’ve wasted your time and energy and let this guy get intimate with you when he had no intention of pursuing a proper relationship with you, at least now you know to be on the lookout in future for men who might pull this kind of stunt. It’s not a guarantee that you won’t run into one who’s particularly manipulative or an outright liar. However, you’ll probably weed out the kind of guy that would start ignoring you after you’ve slept together.

Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.