When you become friends with someone or get into a romantic relationship with them, the general understanding is that you need to take them as-is, flaws and all. Nobody’s perfect, but it’s possible to have a close and rewarding relationship with them despite their shortcomings… at least in theory. If you notice someone in your life doing these things, they’re trying to change you.
1. They’re Always Telling You What To Do.
This one is a classic. If they’re constantly dictating your every move, then that’s a clear sign they want to change you. Every day it’s, “Do this, don’t do that, why aren’t you more like this?” It’s like they’ve got a remote control and they’re trying to switch your channels. You’re not a TV, you’re a person. Remember, nobody should tell you how to live your life.
2. They’re Comparing You To Other People.
Ever had a person who always thinks everyone else is better? Yeah, we all know the type. If they’re always comparing you to their friend, their cousin, or a celebrity, that’s a big red flag. It means they’re not happy with who you are right now. They want you to be more like the people they admire. But guess what? You’re not them, you’re you. And that’s awesome.
3. They’re Trying To Control Your Friends.
This one’s a bit sneakier. If they’re trying to control who you hang out with, that’s another major sign. They might say things like, “I don’t think you should hang out with them, they’re bad influence.” But who are they to judge? They’re not your mom. You’re free to choose your own friends. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
4. They’re Never Happy With You.
This one’s a bit more obvious, but it’s worth mentioning. If they’re never happy with who you are, no matter what you do, then they’re trying to change you. They’re always criticizing you, making you feel like you’re not good enough. It’s like you’re climbing a mountain that keeps getting higher. But you know what? You’re already at the top. You’re good enough just the way you are.
5. They’re Always Talking About The Future.
If they’re always talking about the future version of you, that’s another sign. They might say things like, “In the future, you’ll be like this, you’ll do that.” But who says? They’re not a fortune teller. They can’t predict the future. You’re the one who decides your future, not them. So keep doing you, and let the future unfold naturally.
6. They Keep Bringing Up Your Flaws.
Nobody’s perfect, obviously. We’ve all got our quirks and flaws, but if they’re always pointing out yours without a hint of constructive feedback, then something’s fishy (and they’re also ignoring their own flaws, according to Psychology Today). It’s like they’re trying to keep a tally of all your mistakes. Who needs that kind of negativity? You don’t need to change for anyone. Embrace your flaws, they make you unique.
7. They’re Always Correcting You.
If they’re always correcting you, it’s another sign. From your grammar to your table manners, it’s like they’re on a mission to rewrite you. But hey, nobody asked them to be your personal editor. You’re not a draft needing corrections. You’re the final copy, errors and all. Stand by your ways, they’re a part of who you are.
8. They’re Overly Critical of Your Choices.
This one’s a bit subtle. If they’re overly critical of your choices – what you wear, what you eat, where you go – it’s a telltale sign. They’re trying to steer your life according to their roadmap. But guess what? You’re the driver of your life. You decide which route you take. You don’t need a backseat driver.
9. They’re Trying to Change Your Attitudes and Beliefs.
If they’re trying to change your attitudes and beliefs, that’s a major red flag. They might say, “You shouldn’t think like that, you should think like this.” But who are they to dictate your thoughts? Your beliefs are your own. They’re a part of your identity. Don’t let anyone meddle with them.
10. They’re Always Pushing You.
Pushing you to do things you don’t want to do, pushing you to be someone you’re not. It’s like they’re trying to mold you into their version of perfect. But you’re not clay, you’re a person. You have your own shape, your own form. You don’t need to be reshaped according to someone else’s design (and besides, humans really don’t like being told what to do according to the Cleveland Clinic).
11. They’re Not Accepting You As You Are.
This is the biggest sign of them all. If they’re not accepting you as you are, then they’re definitely trying to change you. They might say, “You’re not good enough as you are, you need to change.” But hey, you’re more than good enough. You’re amazing just the way you are. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
12. They Always Disagree With You.
It’s normal to have disagreements, but if they’re always opposing your ideas and decisions, it’s a different story. It’s like they’re trying to turn you into a yes-man. You’re not a puppet, you’re a person with your own opinions. You’re allowed to think differently. So, let your thoughts flow freely, don’t let anyone cage them.
13. They’re Always Trying To Teach You.
If they’re always trying to teach you how to be, it’s a clear sign. They’re playing the role of a life coach without your consent. But you didn’t sign up for any coaching sessions. You’re not a student in need of constant guidance. You’re your own teacher. You learn and grow at your own pace.
14. They’re Always Talking About ‘Improving’ You.
Improvement is good, but if they’re always talking about ‘improving’ you, it’s a red flag. They’re trying to polish you according to their standards. But you’re not a rough diamond needing polish. You’re a rare gem, perfect with your imperfections. You don’t need to sparkle according to someone else’s light. You have your own shine.
15. They’re Not Respecting Your Boundaries.
If they’re not respecting your boundaries, it’s a major sign. They’re trying to invade your personal space. But they’re not allowed to. You’re not a public domain, you’re a private property. You set your boundaries. You decide who’s allowed in and who’s not. Stand firm on your boundaries, don’t let anyone trespass.
16. They’re Always Trying To Make You Feel Guilty.
If they’re always trying to make you feel guilty for being yourself, it’s a big red flag. They’re trying to manipulate you into changing. But you’re not a criminal, you’re a person with feelings. You have the right to be yourself. You don’t need to feel guilty for being you.
17. They’re Trying To Shape Your Dreams.
Finally, if they’re trying to shape your dreams, it’s a clear sign. They’re trying to divert your path towards their desired destination. But they’re not the architect of your dreams. You are. You decide what your dreams are and how to achieve them. So, dream on and chase after them, don’t let anyone redirect them.
