I have several girlfriends who are in relationships with men who remind them of their fathers. Instead of finding this strange, they consider it a good thing. In fact, they brag about it often — and both their boyfriends and their actual dads are in on the joke. I never really understood this at all. In fact, I actively think dating a guy who’s like your dad is weird as hell.
- I don’t need anyone to parent me. I’m a grown woman who’s completely self-sufficient. My parents raised me to be a responsible, capable adult and that’s exactly what I am. I’m not looking to date a guy who can fulfill the same role that my dad did in my life. I don’t want anyone to tell me what to do or to try and “guide” me. That just grosses me out.
- I’m not looking for a protector. Just as I don’t want a replacement parent, I also don’t need anyone to protect me. My dad has always fulfilled that role in my life. However, even he knows that I can handle myself now. He’ll always have my back, which I appreciate, but dating a guy like my dad would imply that I’m desperately seeking a man to shield me from the ups and downs in life. Sorry, but I’m not.
- I already have a father. All the roles that a dad fulfills in your life, mine already does. That means I don’t need a guy I’m in a sexual relationship with to jump in to do the same things. In fact, I’d really prefer if he didn’t.
- I don’t have that much in common with my father. My dad is awesome and I love him a lot. However, we’re completely different people. We don’t have the same taste in music, movies, TV, food, or anything else, really. Dating someone like my dad would be like dating my polar opposite in every possible way. I don’t want to date my twin or anything, but we do need to have a modicum of things in common, right?
Dating a guy like my dad is pretty unimaginative
- The qualities I’m looking for aren’t particular to my dad. I’m looking for someone who respects me, cares for me, and wants to be my partner in crime. That doesn’t mean I need a father figure in my romantic life.
- What I was raised with isn’t necessarily what I want for my life. My parents are still very happily married and my dad has treated my mom well. However, I’m not trying to recreate their love story in my own life. I don’t idolize their relationship because, while inspirational, it’s far from perfect. I want to live my own life and have my own love, not try and recreate someone else’s.
- It all feels a little incestuous. I really don’t want to think about my dad when I’m having sex with a guy. Way to make me go bone dry right away, dude. My dad is my dad and my boyfriend is my boyfriend and ne’er the twain shall meet. I don’t know how my friends can love comparing their partners to their fathers. The whole thing just gives me the ick.
- It reinforces negative stereotypes that I’m just not down with. The whole idea of being a “daddy’s girl” has always been a little odd to me. I love my parents dearly, of course, but to be so attached to and obsessed with your father is unhealthy and kinda problematic. If it controls so much of your life that you’re then seeking it out in your romantic relationships, that’s a red flag.