I’m Starting To Think I’m Not Meant To Be Dating Right Now

You win some, you lose some in life and in love—I’m not bitter but I am tired. I can’t keep doing the same thing over and over again in the dating game and expecting different results. After years of looking for Mr. Right, here’s how I know I need a break.

  1. I’m not meeting any guys I actually like. I don’t like a lot of people in general and feeling a spark is rare for me. At the most, I meet guys I’d be friends with but none that I feel a romantic connection with. I’m putting myself out there and I just keep coming up empty-handed. I don’t want to force something if it’s just not there. In my mind, love should come naturally and I’m sick of wasting my time trying to feel something.
  2. I want to know what it feels like to be truly independent. I feel like I use dating as a crutch. I always try to depend on the guy I’m seeing for emotional support, but it’s time for me to figure out my issues on my own. I want to be able to actually depend on myself for a change. I know that some guys like the idea of having a girl who needs them, but I don’t want to need a man. I want to just want one and until that’s all there is, I need to take this time to figure out how to be truly on my own.
  3. I’m not sure I’m totally over my ex. I know people say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new, but that’s never worked for me. When I still have feelings for someone else, I’m just going to be comparing every guy I meet to the man I really want to be with. I don’t think it’s healthy for me or fair to the guys I meet to keep dating while my heart is still with someone else. Maybe I’ll be able to get back in the game once I’m totally over my ex, but right now I feel like I just need more time to heal.
  4. I’ve grown afraid of commitment. It’s not just being in a relationship that terrifies me but falling in love again too. I somehow fear the thing I want, so every time I come close, I just sabotage things. That’s all telling me that I have some issues I need to work out on my own and I shouldn’t be dating until my problems are solved. Otherwise, I’m just going to keep adding more and more weight to my baggage.
  5. I don’t know who I am on my own. I want to know, though. I’ve always been a relationship girl and I always seem to attach myself so deeply to the person I’m dating. I want to learn how to be totally independent while being in a relationship. I need to be my own person and feel whole even when I don’t have a man in my life. I have to be able to get to know myself so I can stop losing that sense of self in relationships. Bottom line—I need to learn how to not feel lost without a man.
  6. I’m sick of my life revolving around my love life. I feel like everything in my life has become about the mission to find a man, but that’s not who I am and definitely not the kind of woman I want to be. I have amazing friends, hobbies, and a kickass career. There’s more to me than my dating life and at this point in my life, I’d rather focus on all those other things than searching for a boyfriend.
  7. I don’t really know what I want. Let alone what I need. If I don’t even know what kind of guy I’m looking for then what am I really doing? I feel like I’m just stumbling around hoping things will magically work themselves out but so far, that plan just isn’t working. I think it would be better for me to take some time off and consider the type of man I want to spend my life with. That way, when I’m ready to date again, I’ll be dating with a purpose and not just wandering around aimlessly.
  8. Dating just isn’t fun anymore. Once upon a time, every aspect of dating excited me but somewhere along the way, I lost that energy. Now dating feels more like a chore, something I have to do in order to have the life I someday want to have. I just don’t feel like finding the right guy should feel like a job. I should be enjoying this time and honestly, I can’t remember the last time I felt excitement over a date, a guy, or really anything relating to romance.
  9. Most nights, I’d rather be alone or with my girls. I’m a homebody by nature, so going out all the time trying to meet guys is just plain exhausting. I’d rather hang out at home all by my lonesome and when I do feel like socializing, I want to spend that precious time with the people in my life that I already love. I’m sick of wasting nights on guys who just aren’t worth my time. I’d rather have a guaranteed good time with the people who have always been there and I know always will be.
  10. I don’t think I’m ready for “The One.” Being a wife, having kids, committing to spend the rest of my life with just one man… I don’t think I’m ready for all that responsibility. I’m still figuring out my own life. I don’t want to meet an amazing guy and ruin things because the timing is off. So until I’m ready for real love and a real relationship, I think it’s best if I take myself out of the game.
  11. I don’t want to waste any more time on the wrong guys. Every guy I meet is just another Mr. Wrong. I’m way past the point in my life where I feel OK just having fun or more likely having drama with the wrong guys. I’ve been dating for years, and guess what? I’m still single. I think I need to take some time and gain some perspective so that the next time I really fall in love and put myself out there it will actually be for the right guy. I could spend the rest of my life losing the game of love, but if I want to win, then something has to change.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.