Getting over an obsession with your ex takes three simple (yet complicated) parts. You have to stop feeding the behaviors and thought patterns that contribute to your nagging obsession, start living in the present and look forward to the future. After all, the best way to be free of your obsession with your ex is to create a life that they’re no longer part of. Here’s how to get there.
- Look at the lies you’re telling yourself. If you’re all caught up in an ex (or multiple exes), you’re definitely telling yourself a few lies that are keeping you stuck. Here are some of those distortions you might need to take a good look at: “They were the one, I’ll never find anyone like them, I really messed up.” Just examine these ideas—you don’t even have to do anything with them yet. Sometimes just being willing to be honest with yourself does wonders in recovering.
- Smash the idea that you’re ever going to get back together. That idea is only tying you to your ex when you really should be moving the hell on. So shrug off that delusion anytime it pops into your mind. It’s not happening; you’re split forever. The sooner you shake that lie off, the quicker the obsession will be relieved.
- Disassemble the delusion that they might still care about you. Since your ex is regularly on your mind, you dream that they may also be thinking about you in the moments that you’re dreaming about them. Well, I hate to break it to you but they aren’t. Your ex isn’t thinking about you. They don’t care. They’ve moved on. Take the delusion that they still care about you and throw it in the trash along with your own cares for your partner who’s no longer there.
- Start to realize that the past is the past for a reason. The word “ex” conjures up feelings of distaste for a reason. That reason is that your ex is a past lover. They’re no longer relevant and they’re no longer yours. The past is the past because you’re supposed to now be experiencing something new. Leave that ex in the past and watch your obsession slowly dissipate. After all, your obsession is likely still around because you’re feeding it in the present.
- Refrain from answering their texts or texting them. You’re probably obsessed AF with your ex because they still text, call, and message you. Fine, you can’t control what they do but you can control what you do. You can block their number and stop answering them when they reach out. Doing this will give you a newfound sense of control, helping relieve you from that god-awful gnawing feeling of missing them.
- Stop going places you know they’ll be. Come on, I know you’re guilty of this if you’re still harboring an obsession with your ex. You casually end up being at the same party they’re at or you happen to need to go to a store they frequent. Stop it. All you’re doing is torturing yourself and feeding that obsession. Do yourself a favor, skip the party. Go to a different store. Avoid seeing them unnecessarily and give yourself some dang space to heal.
- Stop looking at their social media accounts. It may seem harmless to scroll through their Instagram feed, but you know that doing so fills you with despair. You end up over-thinking, assuming the worst, and filling in gaps about who that cute gal in their picture is. Then when you see something you didn’t want to see, that image is now seared in your mind. Just do yourself a favor: unfollow and block them.
- Practice mindfulness and grounding. Sometimes your obsession is there because you’re just having a hard time shaking the feelings. That’s okay, it happens to the best of us. Take a page from the practices of mindfulness, grounding, and distress tolerance to get through the moment. Ever heard of an ice dive? It’s sticking your whole face in a bucket of ice. I promise it’ll snap you right out of thinking about your ex! These kind of distress tolerance skills are those that’ll bring you right to the present moment using your senses.
- Wish them the best. The endless obsession sometimes comes from not closing the chapter in your mind. You keep the pages of your ex open, torturing yourself in the process. To move on and drop that obsession, go ahead and metaphorically close the chapter. Do this by wishing them the absolute best. Even if you don’t totally mean it, say a prayer for them or send some good thoughts their way. This will help you more than it’ll help them.
- Redirect your attention to your current dating life. Now it’s time to turn your attention to right now. You’ve done all of the tough work of stopping the old behaviors, closing the chapter, and letting go. Think about where your feet are at this moment. They’re right here in the present moment. Are there any cuties you’re interested in? Are you lovin’ single life? Try to think about what you have in the here and now and you’ll blot out the last bits of obsession that are poisoning your happiness.
