While dating a mama’s boy might be cute when you’re a teenager, it’s a bit more complicated when you’re in your late twenties or older. After all, you’re in a relationship with him—why should his mom have the final say when it comes to the important stuff? I stood up to my guy’s mom and trust me, it changed everything for the better.
His mom used to control his free time. It’s wonderful to have a guy who respects his mom. Helping her out and being there for her is wonderful, but when she starts dictating where he can be and when, that’s when things get out of control. I feel like I needed to ask his mother’s approval every time we went out on a date, which got old really quickly.
She even changed the decor in his apartment. Your living space is where you go to relax and you have the right to decorate it any way you want. Well, in this guy’s case, it looked like his living room was a clone of his mother’s. When I asked about it, he admitted that his mom set things up for him on move-in day and he never changed it. Even if he loved her design, that’s a little too much control.
She wasn’t ready for another woman in his life. My boyfriend has had other girlfriends before but never long-term. My read is that they met his mom and got a little intimidated. Frankly, I think that was her gameplan all along. She wants to be his #1 and in some ways, she always will be. However, if she actually wants her son to grow up, she needs to let go of the reigns a little bit.
I stood my ground from the first date. I wanted to respect his mom,as she deserves that, but telling us that she heard the movie we were going to see “didn’t have good reviews” and that we should see another goes beyond polite conversation. I kindly told her that we had plans to see the first and even if it was bad, it’d be an experience.
I also reminded her that he’s an adult with his own bank account. It’s nice if a parent slips you a $20 on occasion to help out, but my boyfriend’s mom dished out money like he didn’t have a full-time job. With money, things can get sticky. She started telling him what he needed to spend it on (like new pants, since she hated the way his go-to pair looked) which, lady, no.
I let my guy know that if we ever got married, boundaries like these need to happen. I’m not putting up with random mom drop-ins or letting her have a key to our place or any of that. Even though I’m the one who doesn’t have a problem with putting my foot down, he also needs to make sure she knows her place when it comes to us starting a life together. It may always be a work in progress but her attitude had to improve for us to thrive.
I’m never afraid to remind her that we’ve got this. Sometimes she acts like the two of us are elementary school kids who don’t know how to cook or even plan a day. It’s totally fine for her to ask us if we have weekend plans but it’s another for her to constantly make suggestions, followed by “you really need to get out and experience more.” Just because we don’t want to go to a play in the park doesn’t mean we lack life experience.
If you don’t take control, your relationship is doomed. First, you need to find a guy who knows not to let his mother interfere too much with his life. But if you happen to already be with someone who has trouble with not including her in every little detail, know that this is a problem that’ll follow you for the rest of your life if you don’t take action. Nobody feels great about standing up to mom but if she doesn’t learn her place, you’ll feel like you married both of them.
Just remember that it’s all in the approach. You don’t want to yell at her or let your feelings boil over to a point of total resentment. Remember to be firm and set things straight with a smile. She’s probably a wonderful lady who just doesn’t know how to let her son grow up. With a little bit of work, you can help create a healthier relationship between the two of them, and with you and her. If this relationship is forever, this woman is going to be in your life for a long time.
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