Stop Giving Him Endless Chances — He Doesn’t Deserve Them

Everyone deserves a second chance. After all, we’re all human and sometimes we screw up even though we have good intentions deep down. It’s fine to give a guy the benefit of the doubt and allow him to prove he’s not a toxic jerk, but if second chances become third, fourth, and fifth, you’re clearly being played for a fool. No matter how much you like him or how much potential you think he has to be a great boyfriend, here’s why you have to cut off his endless chances and walk away instead of letting him walk all over you again and again.

  1. He never follows through, so why is this time different? What happened the last time you gave him another chance? It’s best to assume that the exact same thing will happen again because that’s the type of guy he is. He acts now and thinks later, which inevitably means he has no sense of what a promise is and how to keep it.
  2. Changing isn’t exactly easy. He keeps coming back vowing to change like it’s nothing more than just being able to say the words and make the promises. But does he realize words don’t mean anything without the actions to back them up? If he’s never put the work in before, what makes you think he will this time?
  3. Fool you once, shame on him. Fool you twice, shame on you. It’s your own fault if he hurts you yet again in the exact same way he already hurt you. There’s nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance if they really deserve it, but after that, the chances of things being any different are pretty slim.
  4. You’re just wasting valuable time. Dealing with a rocky relationship takes a lot of time and energy. Time and energy that you could be spending on something more productive, like watching TV shows, reading that pile of books you’ve been neglecting, and networking with people who can help you establish the career you want.
  5. You deserve better. There are a lot of guys out there who would do everything in their power to make you happy. Wouldn’t you rather hold out for one of them than backtrack and constantly re-live the same mistakes? By constantly lowering yourself to keep him in your life, you’re sending the message that you don’t think you’re worthy of more, and that’s so wrong.
  6. There was a reason you broke up in the first (and second) place. What makes you think those things suddenly aren’t a factor anymore? Relationships take hard work and constant compromise, and if you two are always on-again, off-again, clearly there’s something that’s not working.
  7. He should have to earn another chance. You shouldn’t be giving out chances like free samples at Costco. Any guy would be lucky to be with you, but if you’re willing to put up with anything he’ll have no incentive to work for you. He just assumes that since you accepted his excuses last time (not to mention the five times before that), he’s got a free pass to screw you over as often as he wants without consequences.
  8. He’s lying to himself just as much as you. You probably aren’t doing him any favors by allowing him to be a flaky jerk over and over again. All it’s doing is communicating to him that his behavior is normal and acceptable, which is definitely hurting him in the long run.
  9. You look like a complete moron. To put it bluntly. All your friends and family are talking about you behind your back wondering why the hell you can’t see what a scum bag this guy is. If you constantly brush off their advice, they’ll eventually stop trying, and you’ll be on your own.
  10. He’ll stop taking you seriously. If you’re constantly giving him ultimatums and going back on them, then you’re really no better than he is. Nothing you say actually means anything, so you can’t expect him to believe you the next time you dump him.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.