Stop Obsessing About Your Weight — The Right Guy Won’t Care

We live in a culture that tries to convince us that we’re too fat (or even too thin) and that and we need to change our bodies to be lovable. It’s total BS. It can feel impossible to remember that you deserve to be loved when everyone is talking about how fat and ugly you are — newsflash: you’re not, and your weight has nothing to do with your worthiness for love anyway.

  1. Self-worth is innate and unwavering. It’s so easy to get all caught up in the weight loss and body image game. After a while, you start to believe deep down that your worth is tied to your BMI. You know what I call the BMI? The “BS meter index” because that’s what it is. It means nothing for your self-worth — that comes from inside of you. No change to body weight in any direction ever affects how worthy you are of love.
  2. Clothes are supposed to fit you, you aren’t supposed to fit clothes. When you find yourself in a dressing room frustrated about how you can’t fit into clothes, remember this sentiment. Clothes are supposed to fit you; you don’t need to fit yourself into a certain size to be lovable. The sizes really don’t matter. Numbers don’t define how good of a person you are — you’re lovable at every size.
  3. Your lovability is not tied to a number on the scale. Chances are that if you think your worth is tied up in how you look, you also believe that your lovability is tied to external factors. Nope, nope, nope. I have news for you — the number on a scale has been given way more power than it deserves. In all reality, you don’t ever have to earn your lovability. You can’t lose it or gain it because it’s been yours all along.
  4. Not everyone has the same beauty standards. You may think that because you don’t fit into a little box that society has identified as “the ideal,” you aren’t good enough. This may come as a shock, but not everyone believes in or agrees with the BS beauty standards society has set up. Plenty of people are attracted to women of all shapes and sizes.
  5. Self-love is radical in a society that profits from self-hate. If all of this sounds a little out there, take a look at the fact that Americans spend over $60 billion dollars a year on weight loss. That’s BILLION. These companies are doing absolutely everything in their power to make sure you hate yourself. The more you hate your body, the more money you spend. If this feels like a tremendously hard battle, pat yourself on the back — it is.
  6. The negative self-talk will never stop but you can learn to turn down the volume. With all of these messages about the need to change yourself coming at you full-speed, I want you to remember that this isn’t an overnight matter. You aren’t going to wake up tomorrow completely remembering how worthy of love you are. Instead, it’s a long process of gradually learning to turn down the volume on those awful messages.
  7. Infuse some foundational self-love mantras into your day. You’ve heard the negative messages a million times. They tell you you’re not good enough, you’re too fat, you’re gross, and you’re unworthy of love. Instead of listening to that garbage, let’s replace the thoughts. Instead, how about, “I’m lovable, I’m worthy, I’m good enough just as I am, there’s nothing wrong with me, and I’m beautiful.”
  8. Find love, support, and reminders in the body positive movement. You’re on this journey of body love and self-worth. It’s a hard road and there will be unfortunate amounts of people who are not on this journey with you. Take a step over them and run into the arms of the body positive movement. It’s waiting for you and it loves you. You can follow body positive bloggers on different social media sites. Flood your newsfeed with loving messages to remind you of your journey.
  9. When external messages about body become too much, lean on body-positive friends. It’s crucial that you find some body-positive friends. In person is great, but online friends work just as well. There will be days where you’re flooded with the toxic messages that you don’t deserve love. On these days, it’ll be important to lean on your body-positive friends who will remind you of your innate worth and lovability.
  10. If this all sounds impossible, fake it until you make it. I know, transitioning from self-hate to self-love seems like an impossible task. Don’t expect too much from yourself right now. If self-love is too big a leap, why don’t you start with self-like? Or, you can even start with pulling out the white surrender flag. You’re ready to attempt to be neutral with your body. Keep trying these things. For a while, it’ll feel like going through the motions, but eventually, you’ll start to believe what you’re telling yourself.
  11. Remember that any lover worth your time will adore you as you are. Perhaps you’re worried about weight gain affecting your dating life. Maybe you’re terrified about what a lover will think about your stretch marks. Well, I have news that may be radical: a lover worth your time won’t care about anything you’re insecure about.  They’ll think you’re perfect and lovable as you are — because it’s true.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at