I Stopped Caring What Guys Think And Started Being Real AF On Dates & Everything Changed

Dating can be depressing for even the most optimistic among us, and after one too many disastrous dates in which I put my best foot forward and ended up disappointed yet again, I was over it. I started being real as hell on dates without caring about what the guy would think about me and it totally changed everything.

  1. Guys started respecting me more. The thing most guys don’t know until it hits them is that tough women are sexy as hell. Being opinionated and straightforward is actually a total turn-on, and it’s been shown that women who show their intelligence are actually more attractive. The next time you go on a date with a guy, roll your eyes when he makes a dumb joke rather than laughing at it. Trust me, he’ll be into it.
  2. Second dates practically became a certainty. When I started being totally upfront and real with guys, there was never any uncertainty about a second date. When I stopped trying to censor myself, they seemed to follow suit. At the end of the night, if we’d both had a good time, we’d say so and the guy would almost always ask me out again right then and there (unless I beat him to it).
  3. I stopped feeling like I needed a guy to be fulfilled. Even though I kept going on dates, I began to realize that I didn’t actually feel compelled to get a boyfriend. The more honest I got with guys, the more honest I got with myself and realized what an actual badass I was. Suddenly, being alone seemed like a really amazing opportunity I could give myself rather than a form of self-inflicted torture.
  4. The sex got so much better. Nothing kills good sex quite as much as politeness. So many people just don’t ask for what they want and as a result, they settle for mediocre sex all their lives. There’s no way for a guy to know what you like unless you tell him, and it’s absolutely nothing to be embarrassed by. In fact, it’s hot as hell when you talk about what turns you on. Why have boring sex when you could start getting your mind blown? If he isn’t giving you what you want, tell him what to do. Doing this was definitely a game changer for me.
  5. The conversations got more interesting. If you’re like me, small talk is responsible for the majority of your anxiety about dating and your dwindling faith in the human race. Sitting through dates talking on the most superficial level about each other’s lives is such a buzz kill. When I decided to get real with dudes, I just straight up asked them the most personal questions you could imagine and it totally transformed the interaction. Guys who I’d thought were totally boring turned out to be completely fascinating, and even if I wasn’t attracted to them at the end of the night, I still got a great conversation out of it.
  6. It showed the guys for who they really were, for better or worse. When you’re stuck on small talk, it’s really easy to miss the red flags—they just don’t always make themselves apparent in casual conversation. When I just decided to drop all the pretense and be totally real, I found out really quickly who could handle me and who was a total waste of time. I can’t tell you how much time I’ve saved by just being myself.
  7. I stopped feeling self-conscious before going out. Dating used to be so terrifying for me. I was always so worried about what kind of impression I’d make and whether or not I was interesting enough or attractive enough. After I decided to just cut the crap and get down to business, I stopped worrying about what anyone thought of me and it was the most liberating thing ever.
  8. No one thought I was weird or rude for being upfront. I honestly thought I’d catch a lot of flack for being totally honest and straightforward with people. Women are conditioned to think that we’re not allowed to have opinions or say exactly what we mean. I thought guys would be offended, annoyed, or just straight up ask me why I was being a bitch. Funny enough, this never happened.
  9. I felt so much more attractive. My decision to be unapologetically real had absolutely nothing to do with trying to be more alluring. In fact, it was the opposite. At a certain point in my dating life, I got so pissed off with the options I was getting that I just didn’t care anymore. That’s when my perception of myself around men totally changed. I felt more confident, less worried about making a bad impression, and as a result, I became irresistible. I was just me, and that’s the most attractive version anyone can be.
  10. I started dating better guys. The truth is, some guys might freak out at the sight of a badass woman who isn’t afraid to show her real opinions, but these guys are the ones who, if you hadn’t been super honest and upfront with them right away, would’ve become terrible boyfriends. Being real attracts all the right guys and scares off all the wrong ones so that by the time you choose someone to start dating, you both know pretty well what you’re in for.
Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Theater from the University of Surrey and a Master's Degree in Law from the University of Law. She’s been writing professional since 2015 and, in addition to her work for Bolde, she’s also written for Ranker and Mashed. She's published articles on topics ranging from travel, higher education, women's lifestyle, law, food, celebrities, and more.