Before I started dating my current boyfriend, I’d only ever been with straight guys. I wasn’t sure what to expect from being with a bisexual guy, but it’s by far the most rewarding romantic relationship I’ve ever had—here’s why.
We bond over attractive guys. All the guys I ever dated would get jealous or uncomfortable when I talked about finding other guys attractive, but with my current boyfriend, it actually brings us closer. Being able to talk openly about our perfectly normal attraction to other people, especially since we have a similar taste in men, is one of the things that was missing in all my previous relationships that I can’t imagine living without now.
Sex is so much better. Dating a bisexual person of any gender is incredibly liberating because they don’t bring any heteronormative baggage with them. We make our own rules and explore our chemistry based solely on each other and not on preconceived ideas of what sex between a guy and a girl should look like. Our relationship is completely unique to us, and we keep finding new ways to make it interesting.
He’s really conscious about not being “one of those guys.” Having dated guys and girls, my boyfriend is very conscious of avoiding the straight male boyfriend persona when he’s in a relationship with a woman. I hadn’t really been aware of how stereotypical my previous relationships had been until I realized how equal I felt to my boyfriend in every aspect of life, and how unfamiliar that was.
He’s a lot more open-minded. My boyfriend is the least judgmental person I know. Having faced prejudice throughout his life due to his sexuality, he always manages to give people the benefit of the doubt. I tend to be pretty open-minded, but because of my boyfriend, I’m learning how to be even more accepting of others.
He’s even more of a feminist than I am. I’ve always identified myself as a die-hard feminist, but it wasn’t until I started dating my boyfriend that I realized I how moderate I was. Having dated both men and women, he’s seen firsthand how women are used to being treated by their male partners and how outrageous and regressive a patriarchal society is.
We’re best friends. Maybe it helps that we have a lot more in common than my straight exes and I ever had, but my boyfriend and I are actually friends on top of all the romantic stuff. We confide everything in each other, trust each other completely, and have similar interests. Being able to have a best friend and a partner in the same person is something I always imagined having but never experienced until now.
I’m a lot more conscious of the bias bisexual people have to endure. I’ve had friends and family members who identified as gay and bisexual, but it wasn’t until my boyfriend and I started dating that I realized how real the discrimination is that they face every day from all sides. Gay people and straight people often think that bisexuality is just a cover for gayness, when really there’s no confusion whatsoever. Refusing to acknowledge someone else’s experience is exhausting for the people being questioned, and it takes its toll.
People ask me a lot of stupid questions. As the girlfriend of a bisexual man, I seem to have been involuntarily designated as the explainer-in-chief to all straight people who know absolutely nothing about people who aren’t straight. It’s a big responsibility, especially when I’m asked idiotic and slightly offensive questions like, “Oh, so you made him straight?” or, “So is it like gay sex but with a guy and a girl?” I am often inclined to get violent in these situations, but luckily my boyfriend is a little more used to ignorance and answers with the utmost politeness.
Being supportive goes a long way. No matter how diplomatic and self-confident my boyfriend is, sometimes the pressure gets to him and all I can do is simply be there for him. I can’t change the bias and lack of understanding people have for our relationship or for his sexuality, but I can let him know that I’m there for him and support him no matter what. This, above all, is what anyone needs from a relationship. Show up, be present, support the people you love. That’s all that matters sometimes.
We’re stronger because of our differences. The intense scrutiny we face from those around us and the differences in our sexual orientations has forced us to be masters of communication. We talk through everything and check in with each other even when things are great. Every relationship should be built on a foundation of strong communication, but my boyfriend and I take it to the next level, and it’s because of this that we are so close and committed to each other.
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