The Struggles Of Loving A Man Who’s Not Good At Expressing Himself

I’m the kind of girl who’s easily excited by everything. I’m full of life and passion and don’t understand how to temper my feelings or be subtle. However, the man I love is the exact opposite. He’s kind, loving and has always been loyal to me, but he’s so reserved with his emotions that it causes a rift between us at times.

  1. I’M OFTEN ALONE IN MY FEELINGS. I’m not an overly emotional person, but I always have excitement and passion in my day-to-day life. It’s a regular thing for me to revel in my emotion by myself because he doesn’t show his feelings. It’s similar to that feeling you get when you’re surrounded by people but are somehow alone on the inside.
  2. HIS FEELINGS FOR ME ARE UNDERESTIMATED. He’s an awesome man who’s always provided for me, been loyal to me and stayed with me when life was hard. He’s never hurt me on purpose or tried to put me down. It’s unfair to him to have to justify his love for me constantly just because he isn’t outward with his feelings. He gets frustrated that showing affection and love outwardly doesn’t come naturally to him while for me, it does.
  3. HE CAN BE HARD TO READ IN DISAGREEMENTS. When we have arguments, I have a hard time trying to figure out where he’s coming from. If he’s upset, it’s usually from little things that built up over time that were never discussed. When I get angry with him, he gets quiet in thought while I express my emotions aloud, desperately trying to get a reaction from him. It usually takes extra time for us to get on the same page because he doesn’t express himself in anger.
  4. I DON’T PICK UP ON THINGS THAT ANNOY HIM. I have a loud personality and can often annoy people without realizing I’m doing anything wrong. Since he’s so quiet, these annoyances end up being swept under the rug until it really starts to eat at him. If I knew what I was doing wrong, I’d want to fix the problem right away but it usually gets to a breaking point before he says anything.
  5. I FEEL LIKE I’M OVER THE TOP SOMETIMES. I’m not a dramatic person and am very level-headed, but I have a very strong presence in a crowd. When my voice and feelings are in full swing, I can feel like I’m being extra and over the top when really I’m just excited. I get self-conscious about my feelings when I’m around him because I know he doesn’t react as strongly as I do to things.
  6. I FEEL LIKE I ENJOY THINGS MORE THAN HIM. He can get very caught up in day-to-day life and start going through the motions without even realizing it. When we go out on a date or do something fun, I feel like I’m the only one enjoying it. It’s like he’s there and acknowledging that we’re supposed to be having fun but his mind isn’t present. I have to help him loosen up and forget about our schedules before he’s able to have fun and be himself.
  7. HE FORGETS HOW I COMMUNICATE. He knows me like the back of his hand but he forgets that I need him to be open with how he feels. I’m a very clear communicator and want to know all the details of whatever it is we’re figuring out. Sometimes I really have to prod at him to get all of his feelings out about something, which is very frustrating for me. I usually feel like we’re wasting time because he doesn’t communicate the same way I do.
  8. I GOAD HIM FOR A REACTION. I hate that I do it, but I try to poke at him until he gives me a reaction. Sometimes it’s me asking him why he doesn’t comment when I get dressed up for our dates, other times it’s me asking if he even noticed I cleaned the house or did something special for him. Since he doesn’t give the same reactions I would, I set myself up for disappointment by expecting them. I know it must be exhausting for him to be picked at all the time but I am often desperate to feel his emotion.
  9. I FEEL LIKE I’M NOT DOING ENOUGH. I really care about what he thinks of me and always want to be improving on the woman I am to become a better partner to him. He rarely tells me he’s proud of my changes or gives me any recognition for my effort to make him happy, which is hard for me. On the other hand, I always shower him with compliments and reassurance, which he likes but isn’t reliant on. I love to hear that he’s proud of me, but I wish I heard it more.
  10. I FORGET HE IS STILL A PERSON SOMETIMES. Obviously, he’s a real person, but he can come across as a cold robot sometimes. He doesn’t mean to, but he gets so caught up in his own thoughts and quiet demeanor that he doesn’t realize how cold he comes across at times. When this happens, I can have disdain for his disinterest and end up being harsh with him. In those times I forget that he does feel, it’s just not out in the open, and I may end up hurting him, which I don’t want to do.
  11. I FEEL LIKE I’M PLAYING A GAME I CAN’T WIN. Every once in awhile I try to hold back my feelings to play a game of “who can care less” with him. Instead of being myself and letting him do the same, I make it a competition of who can pretend not to care the best. Ironically, this always just ends up hurting me and making me feel like he really doesn’t give a damn, which just isn’t true.
  12. I WANT HIM TO BE SOMETHING HE’S NOT. When it comes down to it, both of us have things that we would like to change about each other. That being said, we both committed to loving each other for who we are, and we have to accept that there are no perfect people. Even though we express our feelings differently, I have to overlook that fact and remember all of the things I love about him. I fall in love with him every day and I know that he loves me, even though he doesn’t always show me.
Rodeo Athlete. Wife To A Cowboy. Fashionista. Taco Enthusiast.

I love old things and new places. I wear turquoise jewelry and a Midwest attitude. I can usually be found writing on rodeo fashion in Texas or making margaritas in my kitchen.