Be honest with yourself about why you’re staying in the relationship you’re in. Sometimes just being able to say you’re not single isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. Here are 9 signs your heart has already exited stage left and you’re staying in a forced relationship that just isn’t working.
- You don’t even care if you don’t hear from him. In fact, you’re almost relieved. Radio silence means no arguments today. Nothing new to piss you off. Maybe the whole thing is over without drama and will phase out peacefully and naturally and you can be free to move onto the next or enjoy solitude.
- You’re mentally planning a future breakup. Maybe you are still hearing from him, but emotionally you’re just not there anymore. You might set a date in your head when you’ve decided you can truly do this no longer- probably a holiday is easiest. For example, by New Year so you can start fresh across the board when the ball drops, or by Valentine’s Day or his birthday so you can get out of buying a present. Or maybe you’re nice and want to wait until after the holiday passes so you’re not the jerk who ended it by Christmas and ruined his family get-together when he shows up solo. Either way, premeditating your way out isn’t a good sign.
- You don’t even want to talk about it. No one’s saying it’s not real if you don’t broadcast your boo all over social media, but if he doesn’t even come up in direct conversation ever what are you hiding? Perhaps it’s the fact that you’re just not that into him. Especially if you’re holding back because “it’s complicated” in some way. Is it really, or do you just know it’s a dud situation and don’t want to get into it? Or you know already how ridiculous the whole thing sounds out loud and would rather not even begin. Either way, if Mum’s the word, this relationship may not be here to stay.
- You’re not happy. We all know that couple on social media that makes us want to gag. It seriously cannot be real how gushy and in love with one another they are. Whether or not it cues an eye roll, the honeymoon phase does happen for couples and if you’ve just sidestepped past that completely and have no butterflies to annoy others with, maybe it’s time to evaluate what you’re doing. Relationships don’t have to be perfect, but if they start and continue with problems, you’re in for a long and rocky road ahead.
- Your relationship isn’t progressing. Maybe everything was new and exciting at first. Becoming official was that expected next step in the relationship course. But now it’s been a while and you’re not sure what you’re doing. You aren’t getting to know each other better, you don’t have deep conversations, and you’re not going on dates. His effort is already waning off and it feels like you pretty much just began. Now, you’re just confused and feel off about it.
- You don’t factor each other into your futures. You’ve settled into a routine of making small talk- what you did that day, what projects and goals you’re each working on. But whenever either of you mentions the future, it somehow never seems to include the other in it. Maybe you’re working on buying your own house and he’s building credit to finance something he’s had his eye on. You have your sights set on advancing within your own company and he’s talking about taking on a position that would require him to relocate. It’s always his plans and your plans and never how you two will merge your lives.
- You just talk to him to get it over with. You used to hold your phone and mentally will it to ring while you were waiting to hear from him. Now you just want him to call to know you’re done with interacting with him for the day and can cross it off your checklist of obligations. It’s not something to look forward to anymore and you don’t even really know what to because you kind of don’t want to talk to him at all.
- You hide how you feel to keep the peace. Healthy relationships still have disagreements. But when you want things to work out with someone, you’re more motivated to work through issues. When you’re not feeling someone, there’s no purpose in bringing up anything that’s bothering you because it’s just going to make things more uncomfortable than they already are. You’d rather just let it blow over and roll with the occasional moments of connection that still may come up now and again (since something attracted you to him in the first place, even if he’s not your forever guy).
- You don’t have a lot in common. Maybe he has something that you want, but he isn’t what you want. It could be that on paper he checks off all the boxes (good job, car, stable finances, etc.) so you’re just wishing he could be it otherwise. Maybe he has a large close family that you envy and yours is scattered and dysfunctional. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t look like either of you are sharing hobbies and won’t understand what the other one is doing during your downtimes.