If You Want To Get Married, Make Sure You’re Prepared For The Beautiful, Messy Reality Of It All

Marriage is an incredible experience, but only when we have realistic expectations. Many of us who take the plunge get quickly jaded because it doesn’t live up to our misguided ideas and hopes, but things don’t have to be all bad — you just need to know when to compromise. Accepting these 10 things can make all the difference in marriage:

  1. You aren’t supposed to make the most of it 24/7. Think about it. The general idea is that you’ll spend your entire life with the guy. When he comes home occasionally tired or in a bad mood and wants to play Battlefield for two hours, let him be. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be all over each other constantly. You don’t have to be doing something meaningful as a couple every night. Sometimes you need your space and so does he.
  2. Even if you split the household chores, expect to do more. Even if he genuinely tries to help around the house, don’t ever expect him to do things the way you want them to be done. Don’t waste your time and energy trying to teach him the correct way to load the dishwasher. Believe me, he doesn’t care. It really is as simple as that — if you want things to be done your way in the house, you simply have to do them yourself.
  3. Before you know it, you’ll be planning sex Saturdays. Sounds horrible, right? Marriage is challenging enough as it is, then you put a baby in the mix and there goes your spontaneous sex life. Moreover, sharing a bed with the same person night after night isn’t exactly a natural aphrodisiac for couples. You need to work on things if you want the relationship to stay passionate. It’s possible, but it takes effort.
  4. His family is your family, for better or worse. When it comes to both of your families, never forget that you’re a unit now. No matter how annoying or openly unpleasant they might be, there’s no excuse for starting or encouraging a family feud. When you marry someone, you kinda marry his whole family, so hang in there.
  5. Missing your single life doesn’t mean you made a mistake getting married. Occasionally missing the fun you had as a single person is completely normal. It’s one of those things all married people experience but few are willing to be open about. It’s a “grass in always greener” situation, pretty much the same you had when you were single and couldn’t see the benefits. Don’t overthink it.
  6. The more comfortable you get together, the less you’ll care about being “hot.” Marriage is the end of mystery and illusion. Your couple quality time will mostly be at the end of the day, when you’re both in your PJs, watching Netflix. If you aren’t sure if this sounds super sweet or super lame, just know that it’s part of the marriage package. You won’t look your hottest most of the time. But he probably thinks you look super cute in your panda bear pajamas, anyway.
  7. Communicating is important, but so is learning to read between the lines.  We’ve heard it about a million times by now and it’s definitely true that communication is a major relationship savior. Just don’t try to over-communicate everything or get obsessed about checking in on each other’s feelings all the time. There are countless other ways to show that you care and to express how you feel without making the other person try to come up with “the correct answer” every time.
  8. An ugly fight doesn’t necessarily means speed-dialling a divorce lawyer.  So you had your first ugly fight with your significant other. Congratulations! You’re not really fully married until you reach that point where you no longer weigh your words around him. Calling each other names for the first time is a real shocker, but it doesn’t mean that your marriage is at a breaking point. It’s a bit immature to expect that you’ll never fight or disagree. If you don’t, you don’t really care.
  9. Plans need to be negotiated, not announced. Even if you’ve already decided to go to your favorite summer festival, try to make it look like a common decision. It may sound unromantic AF, but your husband is your business partner. You can’t make any major decision that involves finances without consulting each other.
  10. He’ll be your best buddy and there’s nothing wrong with it. Don’t freak out because you’re not feeling butterflies anymore. Butterflies are for people who’ve just met and are still dating, not people who do each other’s laundry. It’s a bit disappointing to hear, but if you can’t live without this feeling, then you’re probably better off single. There are ways to spice things up, but it’s impossible to recreate what you had during the first days. You might as well get over it — your relationship has evolved and you’re now more like BFFs-with exclusive benefits who truly love each other.
Chrisa is a freelance travel and lifestyle journalist who is obsessed with urban life, big cities, and untold stories.