I’ll Admit It—I’m A “Crazy” Girlfriend Guys Complain About All The Time

I’ll Admit It—I’m A “Crazy” Girlfriend Guys Complain About All The Time

Every girlfriend has a bit of “crazy” in them but I just take it another level. My craziness has ruined countless relationships, and now, after observing my own behavior, I can safely say that I’m officially a crazy girlfriend through and through. I guess admitting you have a problem is the first step, right?

  1. I stalk my exes online… and their new girlfriends. I go a little overboard when it comes to online stalking. In fact, I’m so good at it that my friends now ask me to find out stuff about their Tinder dates before they’ve even found out their last name. I don’t know WHY I feel like I need to do it, but when I’m finished, I feel like a weight has been lifted. In my opinion, it’s better to have ALL the information than being totally left in the dark.
  2. I try to coordinate “bumping” into my crushes and make it seem like an accident. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only girl who does this. Have you ever run into a super cute guy and wished you’d exchanged numbers? Well, my thinking is that maybe if I “coincidentally” show up at his place of work and act all cute again, he might ask me out this time. All it takes is a few scrolls through his social media pages and I pretty much know where to find him. I sound pretty stalker-ish, don’t I? Sigh.
  3. I freak out the second my boyfriend starts to pull away. The minute I sense that my boyfriend is going to break up with me, I do everything in my power to stop it. I’ll make myself the best girlfriend on the planet. I’ll cook meals for him, give him a back massage, do everything I can to keep him from leaving me. It might sound like overkill, but to me, it’s what’s necessary.
  4. I assume he hates me if he doesn’t respond to my text within a few minutes. When he doesn’t respond right away, I get paranoid AF. Is he pulling away? Is he busy texting some other girl? Am I annoying him? Maybe they’re all true… I just can’t stand it when he acts distant. It totally makes me doubt myself and the relationship. Am I alone in this?
  5. I stalk his female friends online just for good measure. If he says he’s hanging out with a girl, you’d better believe I’ll be stalking her profile for any evidence that they had a “thing.” I’ll scour wall posts for any comments by my boyfriend that might hint that he likes her more than a friend. I just need to know how much I need to be freaking out over this. If she doesn’t seem like a threat then I’ll let it go—I just need to know what the situation is.
  6. I lie about stuff constantly. Some of my past boyfriends may have called me a pathological liar and they’re not totally wrong. Lying has gotten me into a lot of trouble in relationships. It starts off as an innocent white lie and then grows into something big and then I end up getting dumped for being untrustworthy. Sometimes I just can’t help it. The lies just flow out of my mouth almost against my will. Hmm… I guess that’s the definition of pathological.
  7. I get mega jealous if he so much as looks at another girl. It’s normal for girls to get jealous, but I take it to a whole other level. Even if my boyfriend looks at another girl, I’m done. I can’t handle it! Maybe I’m insecure or maybe I’m just crazy. I feel like I get jealous every time we go out and I should really find a way to get over it.
  8. I need to stay in constant contact with him. I’m always the one to send the “how’s your day?” text—it’s never the other way around. My motivation for staying in contact with him is more to just know what he’s doing as opposed to being nice or letting him know that I’m thinking of him. It’s a little crazy to need to know your boyfriend’s whereabouts 24/7, I know. I think I have a problem.
  9. If I suspect he’s lying, I do the research. One time he said that his plane was delayed so he wouldn’t be home until the next day and for some reason, I was 100 percent sure he was lying so I logged onto the airline’s website and checked the flights to see if he was telling the truth. It turns out, he was. When will I ever learn?
  10. I look at his phone when he isn’t looking. I know I’m not the only person who does this. When he leaves the room, I’ll take that as an opportunity to do some much needed snooping just to make sure he isn’t cheating on me because past experience has taught me that you can never be too sure. Maybe someday I’ll learn how to chill out.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada.