Having a partner with integrity ensures that you’re valued, respected, and treated with consideration and empathy. Sadly, finding a guy with this all-too important quality can sometimes feel like locating a needle in a haystack, especially since identifying integrity when you see it can be easier said than done. Let’s take the guesswork out — here’s how you know a guy has it.
1. You trust him implicitly.
Trust is typically something that one builds over time with your partner. It’s rare to feel totally at ease and relaxed with someone new, so it’s special when it does happen. If you’re already spilling your soul to this man, rest assured he has that secret sauce. He’s a safe space for you to rest your troubles and stash your secrets — that takes integrity.
2. It’s something about the way he holds himself.
Integrity is one of those terms that is difficult to define. Yes, we know it means to be honest and moral, but seeing that in practice is very different than researching it. Perhaps it’s the way he sits up straight or holds the door for you, or maybe it’s his perfect posture. He’s not like everyone else, running around trying to prove themselves. He’s secure in who he is and what he stands for.
3. He doesn’t complain about his ex.
It’s always a green flag when you’re talking about past relationships that it doesn’t turn into a blame game. Taking responsibility for why things ended, as well as reflecting on his own role in things, will encourage you to be more open about your past, and it just builds a strong foundation for a relationship. It shows he respects people even if they’re not in his life anymore.
4. He’s quietly confident.
As previously mentioned, a man who has integrity knows who he is and what he stands for. He doesn’t need to shout about it. It’s refreshing to avoid the negative emotions like jealousy and insecurity that a lot of people have. There’s no need for game-playing — what you see is what you get with him.
5. He’s disciplined.
People’s habits speak volumes, and it shows the outside world how much they respect themselves. Men with integrity are more likely to have consistent wellness habits like going to the gym or meditating. They know how to live a balanced, sustainable life.
6. He can commit to people.
In addition to seeing how easily he can commit to new habits and incorporate new changes in his life, you can also sense his integrity expressed in how he treats people. He shows that looking after you with honesty and morality isn’t just a short-term performance. It’s the real deal.
7. He hates to rain-check.
A man with integrity will rarely let you down, and if he does, he’ll take accountability and reschedule immediately. He won’t make excuses and will be honest about what happened. He knows how terrible it is to be have plans canceled last minute so he doesn’t take doing so lightly.
8. He can say “no” if he needs to.
Like any person with strong self-knowledge, he knows how to keep some time for himself. Again, he’ll communicate clearly about why he needs this solitude from time to time, and he’ll encourage you to do the same. This means you’re both refreshed on your next date and have plenty to talk about.
9. He’s not afraid to question you.
A man with integrity won’t sit there and listen to you spiral or make mistakes. He’ll ask questions and get to the root of the problem with you. It’s important that he isn’t just a “yes” man for you, but someone who you can come to for advice and help. You know he’ll always hold you accountable, and that makes you a better person.
10. He won’t waste your time.
If he’s no longer interested in you, he won’t beat around the bush. Like any emotionally-available person, he will want to be clear and avoid causing you pain, even if it means having a hard conversation. You have to respect that level of honesty.
11. He’s not too proud to ask for help.
If he’s going through struggles himself, a man with integrity knows he has resources and friends to draw on. He’s been through tough times before and has learned useful skills in these instances. Trust him to come to you for help, and don’t be afraid to ask him what’s up.
12. He asks your friends for gift ideas.
This is great for the early months of your relationship when you’re still getting to know each other. Being able to put his ego away and ask your friends for suggestions about what to get for your birthday shows maturity. I know it’s nice to keep gifts a total surprise, but by getting in touch with your friends, he’s showing that he’s in it for the long haul.
13. He doesn’t play games.
Integrity isn’t often a quality linked to teenage boys. That’s why, when talking about men with integrity, you really see that difference in maturity. We’re all going through experiences such as dating for the first time when we’re younger, but by our 20s and 30s, we expect a little more emotional development. A man who’s ready to be open about what he wants and meet you where you’re at — that’s a man with integrity.
14. He donates to charities he cares about.
I don’t just mean that he throws change to the person with the Salvation Army bucket. He actually researches a charitable organization and volunteers his time and resources to make a difference in a community. This shows that he cares about the world he lives in and wants to exhibit stewardship over it.
15. He won’t overpromise and fail to deliver.
This is key. There’s nothing more annoying than partners who say what they think their partner wants to hear without really listening to them. This results in lots of arguments and miscommunication. A man with integrity will never overpromise or fail to follow through. He will communicate with you from start to finish and be clear about what he can do.
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