I’m Terrified Of Turning Into My Mother But It’s Starting To Happen

For a long time, I idolized my mom and would have done anything to be like her when I grew up. She was charming, beautiful, caring, and an amazing woman… but she’s far from perfect. There’s a darker side to her that I didn’t realize until I got older and frankly, I’m now terrified to follow in her footsteps.

  1. She’s way too submissive. She blindly follows everything that my father says. He makes all the decisions in our house and she always seems to be OK with everything. Not once have I seen her disagree or suggest an alternative. I used to see other couples fighting or arguing and believed that my parents don’t fight because they probably have a very loving and understanding relationship. In reality, my mom is a doormat and lets my dad walk all over her to keep the peace.
  2. She doesn’t know how to say no. If my father likes something, my mother will automatically like it too. She might really want to go to a movie but won’t do it if my father doesn’t want to go with her. In a way, she does everything that my father likes. Surprisingly, he doesn’t seem to realize that she might have different opinions and ideas about something. Why? Because my mother never voiced them out of fear of starting a fight.
  3. She gave up everything because she thought she had to. While things have certainly gotten better, women are still expected to give up their dreams and desires for their family and children. That’s exactly what my mom did. Even if she was interested in doing something, she would forget all about it and first fulfill her obligation of being a dutiful wife and mother. While it’s nice that she was dedicated to her kids, it’s left her a shell of a person in many ways, which means…
  4. She cared for the family so much that she forgot to care for herself. She keeps herself busy all day with the household chores and makes sure’s available to meet everyone’s needs but she never has enough time to even look at herself in the mirror. Her responsibilities and commitments always take over everything else. I often wonder if she has any regrets about what she’s let her life become or if she just accepts it.
  5. She’s intelligent and capable of so much more but settled for being a homemaker. I adore my mother for her quick-wit and management skills, but I also feel sorry that she couldn’t use these to build an amazing career because she’s so passive and lacks ambition. She’s totally dependent on my father for everything and that’s very hard to see.
  6. I’m terrified that her submissive nature is hereditary. This is my biggest fear: what if I become like her too? What if I too have to sacrifice my dreams and desires to keep those around me happy? Part of me thinks that could never happen because I know how to stand my ground, I voice my opinions and beliefs, and I do whatever makes me happy. I can’t see myself becoming humble and spineless in the years to come, but I’m still scared it could happen.
  7. I actually feel kind of sad for her. I don’t want my daughter to feel sorry for me the way I do for my mother. She could have done so much with her life, and while yes, raising kids is a big accomplishment, there has to be more, right? I wanted to be inspired by her and unfortunately, I’m just not.
  8. I love my mom and in many ways I admire her, but I don’t want to be like her. She’s been a great mother my whole life. She’s extremely loving, caring, and supportive. I just wish she would have stuck up for herself more and asserted her own hopes, dreams, and preferences instead of catering to everyone else. That’s something I could have respected. Instead, I find myself doing everything in my power to ensure I never end up like her. I know it sounds terrible but it’s true.
A writer by profession and also by choice, because that's what she loves doing. A typical Piscean with that lazy good nature, she is a bookworm, artist, aspiring photographer, and can never turn a 'no' head to delectable homemade food.