Things You Can Tell About A Guy By NOT Sleeping With Him

When you first start dating a guy, it can be pretty hard to figure out where you stand, what he’s thinking about, and whether he’s being upfront with you about everything. Want to make things clear? Don’t have sex with him so soon. You can tell a lot about a guy and any potential relationship you might have by delaying sex for a couple of dates. Here are all the things you can learn by not sleeping with him.

  1. How desperate he is. If he keeps badgering you, begs you, or otherwise tries to get you to hit it, then he’s actually pretty desperate to get laid. Sadly, if he’s pulling this stuff within the first date or so, he probably doesn’t respect your boundaries — or you. Plus, you can’t help but wonder if he’s actually into you or what’s in your pants.
  2. If he’s a player. Because obviously, players always bolt if they don’t get nudes, sex, or a combination of the two. Waiting him out a bit will show you what he’s really about. If he’s not genuine, he’ll be onto the next girl who will actually offer him immediate gratification.
  3. Whether or not he’s looking for a serious relationship. If you tell him “no” on the first date or two but he really likes you, he’ll probably stick around for a bit. If he was actually just lying in hopes that he’d get laid, he will probably just stop talking to you sooner rather than later. By not sleeping with him, you can figure out if there’s any potential before you waste too much time.
  4. If he’s a “Nice Guy.” Here’s a hint: Most guys who are actually nice won’t think they’re entitled to sex just because they’re so “nice.” A genuinely nice guy doesn’t need to describe himself as such or brag about how he is one. Don’t ever fall for this.
  5. If he’s a total nutjob. I’ve been seriously shocked about how frequently guys flip out when you refuse to sleep with them on the first date. Obviously, if a guy behaves this way when you reject him, he’s unstable and you just dodged a bullet. It shows he expects to be in control and always wants to get his way and doesn’t react well when that doesn’t happen. Yikes.
  6. His interests, personality, etc. By not sleeping with him right off the bat, you might get to know one another a little bit better. You might find out some cool facts that you wouldn’t have known if you two were just focused on sex. And hey, you might even learn things that amp up the sexual tension and make it even better when it finally happens.
  7. If he has double standards when it comes to sex. Some guys will actually only respect you if you reject their sexual offers the first couple of times — and you’ll know who they are because they will most likely tell you so. More often than not, they have serious double standards and need to be kicked to the curb. This is super gross, misogynistic behavior. No thanks!
  8. Whether he respects women. If he alludes to going to other girls to get his sexual needs fulfilled, or if he brags about his former conquests to you, he’s a misogynist and is not capable of having a healthy relationship. If you notice woman-hating behavior when you reject him, consider it a bullet dodged.
  9. If he has sexual insecuritiesIf he keeps trying to delay having sex with you, it might be because he feels insecure about himself, his body, or where he stands with you. Moreover, if he’s very desperate for sex, it’s safe to say he’s insecure about his sex life as well. Yes, you know you’re attractive and sex is hot, but it’s not everything in life or in relationships.
  10. Whether you actually would feel comfortable having him as a sex partner. Some guys can appear totally wholesome on the first couple of dates but then turn out to be total creeps. By waiting a couple of dates in, you can usually tell whether he’s actually a decent person, or whether he’s a closet creep. Wouldn’t you rather know this now?
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.