17 Things Narcissists Say To Make You Feel Insecure

17 Things Narcissists Say To Make You Feel Insecure Shutterstock

Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and they regularly use words like weapons to destroy your confidence and keep you under their control. If your partner or someone close to you constantly throws these phrases your way, it’s time to take a hard look at the situation.

1. “You’re so lucky to have me.”


This seemingly innocent statement is a classic narcissistic tactic to inflate their own ego while subtly belittling you. It implies that you’re not good enough on your own and that you should be grateful for their presence in your life. It’s a way of making you feel indebted to them and questioning your own worth. Don’t let them succeed!

2. “Nobody else would put up with you.”

This is a cruel and manipulative way to isolate you from your support system. By suggesting that you’re difficult, demanding, or unworthy of love, the narcissist aims to make you believe that you have no other options. They want you to feel trapped and dependent on them, Psychology Today explains, even if the relationship is toxic.

3. “You’re overreacting.”

Narcissists often gaslight their victims by denying their reality and making them doubt their own perceptions. If you express your feelings or concerns, they’ll dismiss them as overreactions or hypersensitivity. This tactic is designed to invalidate your emotions and make you question your sanity.

4. “I was just joking.”

Narcissists often use humor as a weapon to disguise their insults and put-downs. They’ll make hurtful comments and then claim they were just joking when you get upset. This is a way of deflecting responsibility for their behavior and making you feel like you’re too sensitive.

5. “You’re too sensitive.”

This is another gaslighting tactic designed to make you doubt yourself and your emotions. Narcissists will accuse you of being overly sensitive or dramatic when you react to their hurtful words or actions. This is a way of shifting the blame onto you and avoiding accountability for their own behavior.

6. “Why are you so insecure?”

Narcissists often project their own insecurities onto their victims. By accusing you of being insecure, they’re deflecting attention from their own flaws and vulnerabilities. This tactic is also designed to make you feel like something is wrong with you, rather than recognizing the narcissist’s toxic behavior.

7. “You’re always making a big deal out of nothing.”

This is another way of minimizing your feelings and concerns. By trivializing your experiences, the narcissist makes you feel like you’re overreacting or making a mountain out of a molehill. This tactic is designed to silence you and keep you from speaking up about the narcissist’s harmful behavior.

8. “You’re crazy.”

This is a blatant attempt to discredit you and make you doubt your sanity. By labeling you as crazy, the narcissist is trying to isolate you from your support system and make it seem like no one will believe you if you speak out against them.

9. “You’re the problem, not me.”

Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they’ll shift the blame onto you, even if they’re clearly in the wrong. This tactic is designed to make you feel guilty and responsible for the narcissist’s bad behavior.

10. “If you loved me, you would…”

This is a classic manipulation tactic used by narcissists to control their partners. They’ll use your love for them as leverage to get what they want, whether it’s material possessions, attention, or compliance with their demands.

11. “You’re not good enough for me.”

This is a direct attack on your self-worth. By belittling your accomplishments and pointing out your flaws, the narcissist aims to make you feel inadequate and unworthy of their love. This tactic is designed to keep you under their control and prevent you from leaving the relationship.

12. “You’ll never find anyone better than me.”

This is another way of trapping you in a toxic relationship. By convincing you that you’re not worthy of love or that no one else will want you, the narcissist makes it seem like you have no other options. As Choosing Therapy explains, this is a cruel and manipulative tactic designed to keep you from leaving, even if you’re deeply unhappy.

13. “Remember all the things I’ve done for you?”

Narcissists often keep score of their good deeds, real or imagined, and use them as ammunition in arguments. By reminding you of all the things they’ve supposedly done for you, they’re trying to guilt you into staying in the relationship and tolerating their bad behavior.

14. “Everyone thinks you’re [insert negative adjective].”

This is a tactic used to isolate you from your support system and make you doubt your own judgment. By claiming that everyone else shares their negative opinion of you, the narcissist makes you feel like you’re the problem, not them.

15. “You’re lucky I’m willing to forgive you.”

Narcissists often act like they’re doing you a favor by forgiving your perceived transgressions. This tactic is designed to make you feel grateful for their forgiveness, even if they were the ones who caused the problem in the first place.

16. “I’m the only one who truly understands you.”

This is a way of making you feel special and unique, but it’s also a trap. By isolating you from other relationships, the narcissist ensures that you become dependent on them for emotional support and validation.

17. “You’re nothing without me.”

This is the ultimate narcissistic insult. By suggesting that you’re worthless and incapable of functioning without them, the narcissist is trying to strip you of your independence and self-worth. This is a dangerous and damaging tactic that can leave you feeling lost and alone.

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Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.