In the course of a relationship (and life in general), conflicts are bound to happen and you do stupid stuff in the heat of the moment like call people names or not-so-subtly air out your grievances about them Facebook. These are the times where you definitely have to step up to the plate and apologize for whatever crappy thing you said or did to make the situation worse, sure. But there are some things you should NEVER say sorry for, no matter what.
Having boundaries. If you told a guy that you don’t kiss on the first date but he tries to kiss you anyway, remind him that either he needs to start respecting your boundaries or you’re pulling the plug on him immediately. Don’t feel bad for turning down his advances if he chooses to blatantly ignore your wishes. They’re YOUR boundaries and anybody who doesn’t respect them is someone you don’t need to waste your time on.
Being “weird”. What you’re into is part of who you are and if someone likes you, they’ll accept your penchant for collecting Hello Kitty erasers. If running marathons and listening to Miley Cyrus sing about partying in the USA is what floats your boat, don’t let anyone on board who wants to sink it.
Any aspect of your appearance. Short, tall, thin, full-figured, blonde, brunette or a redhead, embrace who you are and don’t let that bitchy voice in your head call you ugly or fat anymore. Just pull her away from your ear and put her closer to your ass, so she can kiss it. Make sure to direct others who make you feel bad about yourself to the same location. You’re beautiful. Discussion over.
Your feelings, no matter what they are. Take responsibility for your feelings by letting people know when you’ve been hurt, disturbed, confused or sad. You’re not doing yourself or the person you’re with any favors by playing down or bottling in your feelings. Eventually the dam will break, and that’s not how you want to get on the local news.
Asking for what you want. If you want something, ask for it. It sounds like a simple enough thing to do, but it’s surprising how many women still try to sugarcoat what they want because they don’t want to perceived as ‘demanding’ or ‘bitchy.’ Sure, there will be people who will think exactly that but usually, they’re idiots. Put on your ‘deal with it’ face and ask for what you want anyway.
Enjoying sex. Whether you categorize yourself as someone who’s down for a little kink or you’re as pure and innocent as a white kitten or anywhere in between – OWN IT. When it comes to your personal feelings about sex, you don’t have to live up to anybody else’s expectations except yourself and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel uncomfortable or ashamed for it.
Being smart. If George Clooney taught us anything in the past year is that the sexiest woman in the room is probably the one who’s smart too. He has had his pick of many beautiful women in Hollywood, so obviously beauty wasn’t the deciding factor for him to getting married. What finally got the most eligible bachelor to give up his long standing single crown? A beautiful woman who also happens to be a well-educated and highly respected, lawyer, author and activist. Your intelligence is a commodity and you want to make sure you’re with someone who sees it as a commodity too.
Your past. Clean, spotted or totally murky, your past is well… in the past. Wrong or right, you can’t do much about it now except grow from it. If he can’t see past the person you used to be and see the better person that you are now, then it’s not really your problem, it’s theirs. Tell Uncle Rico to go find a time machine on Ebay but until then, tell him to lose your number too.
Your age. Christie Brinkley, Betty White, Madonna, Gwen Stefani… those are just a few successful women who don’t let age determine who they are, what they want to do, say, dress or act. They know that age is just a number and it definitely shouldn’t be hindrance to your goals and aspirations. Your personality, experience and character determines who you are, not the candles on your cake or Werthers candy in your pocket.