Dealing with a narcissist can be a real mind-bender. They’re masters at manipulation, gaslighting, and twisting reality to suit their own egos. But you don’t have to be a doormat. With a little verbal jiu-jitsu, you can turn the tables on a narcissist and take back control of the conversation. Here are 18 clever phrases to keep in your back pocket the next time you’re dealing with a narcissistic nightmare.
1. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This simple phrase is a polite way of saying, “I don’t agree with you, but I’m not going to argue.” It acknowledges their feelings without validating their perspective. Narcissists thrive on conflict and drama, so refusing to engage throws them off balance. It also sets a boundary that you won’t be drawn into a circular argument or defend yourself against baseless accusations.
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2. “Let’s just agree to disagree.”
Narcissists believe they’re always right and will argue until they’re blue in the face, MindBodyGreen points out. This phrase shuts down the debate without conceding defeat. It communicates that you have a different opinion, but you’re not interested in convincing them. Agreeing to disagree takes the wind out of their sails and denies them the satisfaction of “winning” the argument.
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3. “I need some time to think about that.”
Narcissists love to put people on the spot and demand immediate answers or commitments. This phrase buys you time to gather your thoughts and make a decision on your own terms. It also communicates that you won’t be pressured into something you’re not comfortable with. Take the time you need to consider your options, and don’t let them rush you.
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4. “I’m not comfortable discussing that.”
Narcissists love to pry into personal matters and use sensitive information as leverage. This phrase sets a clear boundary that certain topics are off-limits. You don’t owe them an explanation or justification for your privacy. If they keep pushing, repeat the phrase like a broken record until they get the message.
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5. “That doesn’t work for me.”
As WebMD highlights, narcissists are expert manipulators and will try to guilt, shame, or pressure you into doing things their way. This phrase is a polite but firm way of saying no. It communicates that you have your own needs and priorities, and you won’t be swayed by their tactics. Repeat as necessary until they respect your boundaries.
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6. “I’m happy with my decision.”
Narcissists hate when people make choices they don’t agree with. They’ll try to undermine your confidence and make you second-guess yourself. This phrase shuts down their attempts to control you. It communicates that you’re secure in your choices and don’t need their validation. Stand firm in your convictions, even if they don’t like it.
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7. “I’m not interested in your opinion on that.”
Narcissists love to give unsolicited advice and criticize other people’s choices. This phrase makes it clear that you’re not looking for their input. It sets a boundary that your decisions are your own, and you don’t need their approval. If they keep offering unwanted opinions, shut them down with a firm “thanks, but no thanks.”
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8. “I’m not responsible for your feelings.”
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Narcissists are master emotional manipulators. They’ll try to make you feel guilty, ashamed, or responsible for their own negative emotions. This phrase reminds them that their feelings are their own responsibility, not yours. You can’t control how they react to things, and you don’t have to take on their emotional baggage.
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9. “I won’t tolerate being spoken to that way.”
Narcissists often resort to insults, name-calling, or belittling language to assert dominance. This phrase draws a hard line in the sand. It communicates that their behavior is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated. If they continue to speak to you disrespectfully, end the conversation and walk away. You deserve to be treated with basic human decency.
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10. “Your actions don’t match your words.”
Narcissists are often all talk and no follow-through. They’ll make grand promises or claims, but their behavior tells a different story. This phrase calls out the inconsistency and holds them accountable. It communicates that you’re paying attention to what they do, not just what they say. Actions speak louder than words, and empty promises won’t fly.
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11. “I’m not interested in competing with you.”
Narcissists see everything as a competition and will try to one-up you at every turn. This phrase makes it clear that you’re not playing their game. It communicates that you’re secure in yourself and don’t need to prove anything. Refuse to engage in their petty one-upmanship, and focus on your own goals and achievements.
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12. “I’m not responsible for your happiness.”
Narcissists often expect everyone else to cater to their every whim and make them feel good about themselves. This phrase reminds them that their happiness is their own responsibility, not yours. You can’t fill the void in their soul, and it’s not your job to constantly boost their ego. Set boundaries around your own time, energy, and emotional resources.
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13. “I don’t appreciate being manipulated.”
Narcissists are skilled manipulators and will use guilt, shame, or flattery to get what they want. This phrase calls out their tactics and shows that you see through them. It communicates that you won’t be a pawn in their games. If they continue to try to manipulate you, disengage and set firm boundaries.
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14. “I’m not interested in your drama.”
Narcissists thrive on chaos and conflict, PsychCentral notes. They’ll try to suck you into their never-ending soap opera of crises and controversies. This phrase makes it clear that you want no part of it. It communicates that you’re not going to be a supporting character in their drama. Keep your distance and focus on your own peace and stability.
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15. “I trust my own judgment, thanks.”
Narcissists love to undermine other people’s confidence and make them doubt themselves. They’ll try to convince you that you’re wrong, crazy, or incapable of making good decisions. This phrase shuts down their attempts to gaslight you. It communicates that you have faith in yourself and your own perceptions. Trust your gut, even if they try to convince you otherwise.
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16. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”
Narcissists often demand explanations or justifications for other people’s choices, as if they’re owed a say. This phrase reminds them that you don’t owe them anything. You’re an autonomous adult who can make your own decisions without running them by a narcissist. If they keep pushing for an explanation, repeat the phrase until they back off.
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17. “I’m not interested in your criticism.”
Narcissists are quick to criticize people, but can’t handle even the mildest feedback themselves. They’ll nitpick and tear down your every move in an attempt to assert superiority. This phrase shuts down their constant critiques. It communicates that you’re not looking for their negative input. If they keep criticizing you, end the conversation and limit your contact.
18. “I’m done discussing this.”
Sometimes, the only way to win with a narcissist is not to play. When you’ve tried every other tactic, and they still won’t let up, this phrase is your exit strategy. It communicates that the conversation is over, period. You’re not obligated to keep engaging with someone who refuses to respect your boundaries. Walk away and don’t look back.
