Parenting is tough, and we all lose our cool sometimes. However, words have serious power, especially when coming from the people our kids trust the most. For instance, these phrases that can chip away at a child’s confidence, self-worth, and your relationship with them.
1. “I wish you were never born.”
Even said in anger, this cuts deep. Kids take things literally and internalize this kind of statement, making them feel like an unwanted burden. This kind of rejection from their parents can lead to lifelong struggles with feelings of worthlessness and a deep fear of abandonment in future relationships.
2. Comparing Them to Siblings or Other People’s Kids
“Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or similar remarks foster resentment and insecurities. Every child is unique, celebrate them for who they are. Constant comparisons make them feel like they’re never good enough and can create a sense of unhealthy competition even between siblings.
3. “You’re so [negative trait]!”
Calling them “lazy,” “stupid,” or other insults, labels them rather than addressing the behavior. Kids start believing these harsh descriptions as fact, which really damages their self-image. These labels become internalized and eventually impact their sense of identity. It also makes it harder for them to see their own strengths and potential.
4. Belittling Their Feelings
“It’s not a big deal,” “Stop being so dramatic,” or other dismissive comments like these make kids feel unheard. They learn to bottle up emotions instead of having healthy outlets. Dismissing their feelings teaches them that their emotional experiences aren’t valid, leading to a whole lot of trouble regulating their emotions and forming healthy relationships where they can express themselves freely.
5. Threats of Abandonment
“If you don’t stop that, I’m leaving you here!” Seemingly harmless, this instills deep-rooted fear that their love and safety are conditional on “good” behavior. Even if you’d never actually abandon your child, this threat taps into a primal fear, making them feel insecure and constantly on edge about pleasing you.
6. “You’re worthless/useless.”
This kind of verbal abuse has devastating consequences for a child’s self-esteem. They come to believe they have no inherent value, making success and healthy relationships harder to achieve. Children who are constantly told they’re worthless internalize that message, leading to a sense of hopelessness and a tendency for self-sabotaging behaviors throughout their lives.
7. Using Guilt as a Weapon
“After all I do for you…”, or highlighting your sacrifices makes kids feel indebted rather than grateful. Love shouldn’t come with strings attached. This tactic creates a huge sense of resentment, and teaches kids that love is transactional, which can damage their ability to have healthy, unconditional relationships in the future.
8. Insulting Their Appearance
Negative comments about their weight, looks, etc., can lead to body image issues or even eating disorders. Focus on health, not aesthetics, and build them up instead of tearing them down. Negative commentary on a child’s appearance creates immense insecurity and can shape unhealthy relationships with their own bodies that last well into adulthood.
9. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!”
Threatening punishment for expressing emotions teaches kids to suppress how they feel. It’s okay to be sad, angry, etc. — just help them learn to process these feelings in healthy ways. This old-school parenting style leads to kids who have trouble expressing their emotions in a healthy way as adults, often leading to outbursts or shutting down completely.
10. “You’ll never amount to anything.”
Crushing their dreams and aspirations is incredibly harmful. Kids need your support and belief in their potential, even when they stumble. This kind of negativity can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, where children begin to believe they are incapable of success and stop even trying to achieve their goals.
11. “That’s just how boys/girls are.”
Using gender stereotypes to excuse bad behavior reinforces harmful limitations. It teaches kids they should act a certain way based on gender, not who they are as individuals. This type of thinking contributes to toxic gender roles and limits a child’s understanding of their own potential and identity. It’s not the 1950s anymore — it’s time to stop pushing outdated (and misogynistic) ideals.
12. “You made me do this!”
Blaming your child for your own outbursts teaches them they’re responsible for your emotions. This puts unfair pressure on them and prevents you from taking accountability for your behavior. Children who grow up feeling responsible for their parent’s emotions may struggle to set healthy boundaries and become overly focused on appeasing other people.
13. “You’re lucky I even feed you!”
Withholding basic necessities as punishment is cruel and abusive. Every child deserves to feel safe and have their needs met; using food, shelter, etc. as leverage totally destroys their sense of security. This kind of treatment can have a massively negative impact on a child’s feelings of safety and self-worth within the parent-child relationship, and the world at large.
14. Mocking Their Interests
“That music/outfit/hobby is stupid,” or teasing them for what they love erodes their trust in their own taste. Kids need to explore what excites them without fear of your judgment. When parents dismiss or ridicule their child’s interests, it chips away at the child’s confidence to express themselves authentically and discover who they are.
15. “You owe me for raising you.”
You chose to become a parent — children didn’t ask to be born. Reminding them of this creates resentment and a sense of obligation that can poison your relationship. Using guilt trips like this undermines the parent-child relationship and makes your kid feel like a burden rather than a loved member of the family.
16. Anything that might cause public humiliation
Yelling at them in public, criticizing them in front of other people – this completely destroys their dignity. Kids deserve to be disciplined with respect, and public shaming teaches them that your love is conditional on them behaving perfectly. Public humiliation can cause deep feelings of shame and make the child avoid social situations out of fear of further embarrassment from their parents.
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