I Thought We Were Exclusive, But Then I Saw His Activity Feed On Instagram

I thought our relationship was solid and that we were exclusive, but something started to feel a little off with my boyfriend. It wasn’t until I started scrolling through Instagram that I found out he was sneaking around with another woman behind my back.

  1. He started following all of these random hot girls. This is a cardinal sign that the guy you’re dating is getting bored of you. I should have taken this sign seriously, but then I thought, hey, the whole reason why guys get Instagram in the first place is for the pics of nearly-naked girls, right? Totally harmless. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but I should have seen this increase as a sign that something wasn’t quite right.
  2. There was a substantial dip in him liking my selfies. One thing that kinda made me want to start investigating his activity online was the fact that he stopped interacting with me on Instagram. He used to like my photos and even leave me cute comments but suddenly that wasn’t happening at all.
  3. His activity feed told me all I needed to know. While I didn’t seriously think he was up to anything bad at first, I soon realized I was being a bit naive. Every time I checked up on his activity, he liked this random girl’s pic. I’d never seen her before and she wasn’t in our social circle as none of my friends were following her either. My mind started to spin about all the reasons why he liked her so much. What did she have that I don’t? Why was he going out of his way to like this girl’s posts? Wasn’t he worried I’m gonna see? I was kinda driving myself nuts here.
  4. I had to consider how common it is to start dating someone you just met on Instagram. Liking and commenting on attractive people’s pics are the best ways to show someone you’re interested in them. There’s a reason we share our Instagram accounts with people we meet on Tinder—it’s the modern way to flirt. As a millennial, I’d be silly to ignore my boyfriend’s “new friends” and frankly, I’m glad I didn’t.
  5. He lied about having Instagram when we first met, which should’ve been a major red flag. I can’t believe I ignored this but I did. I didn’t think it was weird when he told me he didn’t have Instagram when we first started dating because a lot of guys don’t. However, just a few months into our relationship, he “randomly” decided to get it. I thought he was just finally seeing the light and getting on the social media bandwagon. Never did I think he’d be using it as a tool to cheat.
  6. She started tagging him in comments but he insisted they were just friends. So he had been liking this girl’s photos for a while now and I was monitoring it like a mad woman. Soon after, she tagged him in one of her photos. It was just her at the beach—why the F was she tagging him?! At that point, I actually confronted him about it. I didn’t go nuts with it; I actually pretended that I just happened to come across the photo one day out of the blue. I asked him if he knew her and he said yes, she was just a friend. He didn’t give any further info and purposely kept things vague. At that point, I took his word for it—big mistake.
  7. I went down an Instagram rabbit hole of watching her Stories. I know I’m not the only girl who’s done this. It’s so easy to get obsessive over another girl’s life, especially if you suspect that your boyfriend is cheating on you with her. I watched all of her available Insta-stories. I didn’t find any solid evidence that she was getting it on with my boyfriend, but she definitely struck me as being single and searching.
  8. I started commenting on his photos to show that we were in a relationship. I was getting desperate, so I did the sneakiest thing I could think of. I started commenting on his photos, making it crystal clear that we were in a relationship. I would post things like “love my BF” and “luckiest girl in the world.” I didn’t want to be the one to accuse him of cheating; I wanted to get to her first. She should be the one to take him down.
  9. Soon after, she sent me a DM, warning me. Just as I’d hoped, she saw me acting all girlfriend-like on his photos and sent me a DM, telling me that he’d been sleeping with her and how shocked and angry she is to find out that he has a girlfriend. It was so disappointing to get that message, but at least I knew I wasn’t nuts. I dumped him and so did she. He’s probably back on Instagram searching for his next victim.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.