If you’re anything like me, you’d go to the ends of the earth for the people you love, whether they’re friends, family or your other half. However, sometimes in life, it can be devastating to realize that you’re the only one in the relationship giving 100%. If that’s the case, here’s why it’s time to stop.
Life is about give and take.
It’s good to care about your loved ones and to show that care through your words and actions, but it’s also important to receive the same generosity in return. You can’t constantly give someone everything, whether it’s your time, energy or kindness, to only get something half-assed back. Life isn’t like that. It’s about push and pull, split efforts, and give and take. Whether we like it or not, the same rules apply when it comes to relationships.
Relationships won’t survive if they’re one-sided.
Imagine a relationship where you do all of the work. You’re the first to communicate, you always have to plan things to do with the other person, you drive to their house, you take them places, you carry the conversation, you’re completely there for them when they need you… but you never get anything back. Perhaps you don’t have to imagine because this is your reality. If this was the case for you all the time with a loved one, you’d eventually have to sack it off. The relationship would be so physically, mentally and emotionally draining that it would never last.
Effort is required by both parties.
There are two people in a relationship, therefore both people need to try when it comes to maintaining it. Sure, life gets in the way sometimes and perhaps either party isn’t always able to give 100%, but as long as you’re both giving as much as you can given the circumstances and resuming to your usual high standards whenever possible, then you can acknowledge and appreciate each other’s efforts. It’s difficult to measure effort but if someone truly means a lot to you, their efforts should never slip below half of what you’re putting in. It’s about finding the right balance.
You’ll definitely notice when the balance is off.
If you’re giving 100% all the time to somebody but only receiving 50%, you’re inevitably going to start picking up on it. And, slowly but surely, it will begin to drive you insane. Usually, the more you give and the less you receive, the more the relationship loses its luster and turns into hard work. At this stage, everything becomes less pleasurable and feels like a chore with this person. It’s not fun when you reach that point.
Resentment will build.
The more your relationship feels like a chore, the more resentment will build. If you truly care about someone, you should want to be a good friend/family member/lover. You should want to be a model loved one. For instance, if you can find the time and effort to message them every day to check on them when their best friend passes away but they can’t even message you once when your beloved pet dies, WTF? That’s not cool. Once you’ve started to notice their crappy behavior, then this negativity train will just keep on goin’, I’m afraid. Choo Choo.
You’ll end up burning out.
You’ll reach a point where you’ll be so sick and tired of giving so much to someone when the efforts are clearly not reciprocated. You’ll grow tired of being in this one-sided relationship, become bitter towards the other person, and even start to hate everything a little bit. Plain and simple, it’l drain the life out of you.
The relationship will fade.
Eventually, you’ll have to take a step back from this draining relationship after months of giving it your everything, and your relationship will change as a result. And not in a good way. Hopefully you’ll have already addressed this with the other person and, if they truly appreciate you, they’ll start to put in more effort. However, if you’ve been over the situation several times and feel like you’re talking to a brick wall instead of your loved one, then the relationship is likely to become more damaged the more time goes on.
Equality is everything.
Obviously, you can’t continue trying to maintain a damaged relationship where you’re willing to give 100% and the other party clearly doesn’t give a damn. You want to feel like you’re equals in your relationship, you appreciate each other and want the same things, and it’s truly fulfilling for both parties. Otherwise, what’s the point?
Life’s too short to waste your time with people who only give 50%.
It’s important to spend time with and invest in the people who love and care for you as much as you do for them. Sure, relationships take work and they’re not always perfect, but it’s the attitude we have towards them that matters. As long as both parties are ready and willing to compromise and do what it takes to make the other person happy, then the relationship will continue to survive and thrive.
You deserve the best.
Whether it’s the yummiest cake available in the bakery, or the friend you’ve known for years, don’t forget that you deserve the absolute best in life. Share your time with loved ones who will constantly be there for you, who you can always rely on and who won’t disappoint you on a regular basis. Fill your life with those who you want to give 100% to because you know you’ll receive 100% back. It’s as simple as that.
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