If you’re feeling like everyone walks all over you and you’re sick of being taken advantage of, it’s time to flip the script and demand the respect you deserve. Here’s how to stop playing the doormat role and start making people treat you right.
1. Get clear on your limits.
What behaviors or situations will you not tolerate anymore? Define your boundaries – with yourself, and with other peeople. It’s impossible to stand up for yourself if you don’t know where the line is. Knowing your limits helps you spot those boundary violations in action so you can do something about them.
2. Practice saying “no” more often.
Start small if it’s tough, of course, but practice turning down invites that drain you or don’t align with your priorities. Telling people straight-up when you can’t do something or it doesn’t work for you can be pretty powerful. You don’t always need an elaborate excuse. The more you say “no,” the easier it becomes.
3. Speak up calmly but firmly.
When someone crosses your boundaries, don’t fume silently. Speak up and state clearly and calmly what the issue is. For instance, “Please don’t talk over me during meetings” couldn’t get much more direct. This approach will get you way better results than passive-aggressiveness. It also shows that you’re not afraid to address issues head-on, earning you a new level of respect.
4. Value your own time.
Stop always being the one to adjust your schedule, rush around, or pick up the slack for other people. How about NOPE? Your time is precious! Treat it that way, and (most) other people will too. When you value your own time, it shows others that you expect them to do the same.
5. Prioritize your own needs every once in a while.
It’s not selfish to put yourself first, it’s necessary. Get enough sleep, take that workout class, say “no” to extra work… because you can’t give what you don’t have. When you’re well-rested and feel taken care of, you show up for others with more energy and focus. Prioritizing yourself also shows those around you that your needs are valid and non-negotiable.
6. Don’t apologize unnecessarily.
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Stop saying you’re sorry for having opinions, needs, or taking up space. You’re allowed to exist and to express yourself without feeling like you’re inconveniencing anyone and everyone. Over-apologizing can make you seem unsure of yourself, and that’s definitely not the impression you want to give off. Own your space and your choices confidently.
7. Ditch the people-pleasing routine.
You can’t and won’t be liked by everyone. Trying to please people who don’t respect you is a waste of time. Focus your energy on the relationships where you feel valued and seen. Trying to make everyone happy is exhausting. Prioritize the people who see the real you and appreciate you for it.
8. Be okay with disappointing people every once in a while.
Some people will get huffy when you stop bending over backwards for them. That’s their problem, not yours. Healthy relationships can weather occasional “no” and needing different things. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who understand and respect your boundaries.
9. Get support from people you trust.
Changing lifelong habits is hard! Talk to trusted friends, family, or even a therapist. They can cheer you on and offer a reality check when you need it. Having a support system makes the journey less daunting and reminds you that you’re not alone.
10. Make eye contact and hold your head high.
Your body language matters. Stand up straight, project your voice, and hold people’s gaze. This sends a subconscious message that you’re not to be messed with. Confident body language boosts both your internal sense of power and how you’re perceived by otehr people.
11. Give yourself time.
If you’ve been a doormat for ages, this won’t change overnight. Be patient with yourself. Small wins count! Celebrate each time you advocate for yourself and understand that growth takes time. It’s more important to keep moving forward than to expect perfection right away.
12. Put consequences in place.
When people repeatedly violate your boundaries, there need to be consequences. This might be distancing yourself, or clearly saying something along the lines of, “If this happens again, I’ll have to [take a break from this friendship/end the project/etc.].” Don’t let people walk all over you without repercussions. Enforcing your boundaries shows that you’re serious about being treated with respect.
13. Learn from your experiences.
Pay attention to how you feel when you stand up for yourself. Proud? Nervous? Also, notice how people react. This helps you fine-tune your approach over time. Treat each interaction as a learning opportunity to become a more assertive version of yourself.
14. Don’t lose sight of the big picture.
Why is it so important to you to gain respect? What kind of life do you want to be living? Keeping your “why” in mind helps you stay motivated during challenging moments. Connect your desire for respect with your bigger goals for a fulfilling, empowered life.
15. Get comfortable with discomfort.
Growth rarely feels cozy. Saying “no,” having tough conversations — it’s all a bit awkward at first. The more you practice, the easier it gets, and the better your life becomes. Don’t let temporary discomfort hold you back from standing up for yourself.
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