I Told You I Loved You But I Didn’t Mean It

You can write it off as being young and dumb or call me manipulative or a bitch. But the truth is, I honestly didn’t know what love was or how to love someone when I was with you. I felt excited and hopeful when I met you and I made us into something we never were and never could be. I know I told you I loved you, but I didn’t mean it.

I cared about you.

Even though I didn’t love you, I still cared about you. I confused that feeling for love. I wanted you to be happy, but I wasn’t willing to do everything in my power to make sure you were.

I loved the idea of you.

Handsome, in the military, sweet but with a bad boy side. I loved the idea of you. Unfortunately, you weren’t what I thought, and I realized that a little too late.

I loved your potential.

When I told you I loved you, what I really meant was I loved the person you could be and the person I hoped you would become. I know that isn’t fair to you. True love is loving someone for who they are, not wishing they would change. I didn’t love who you were. I loved who I wanted you to be.

I wanted our relationship to be more than it was.

I missed being in love, so I told you I loved you. I wanted to have those feelings again and I wanted someone to love me again but it wasn’t real.

You didn’t have anyone else.

Your family wasn’t there for you. Your friends had turned their backs on you. You didn’t have anyone else. I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of you. I felt like I had to love you just so you would have someone who did. Unfortunately, because it wasn’t genuine, I wasn’t able to love you well and ended up hurting you in the end.

We were too different.

Honestly, even if we would have continued our relationship, I wouldn’t have been able to truly fall in love with you. There were too many things we didn’t agree on. You went against so many of my standards and morals that it never would have been true love.

I didn’t trust you.

I don’t believe you can truly love someone until you trust them completely, and that was never going to happen with you. I always felt there was something off, something I didn’t know, a part of you I never got to see. You never let me in completely, and that kept me from ever really being able to love you.

You didn’t love me.

I didn’t know this until I experienced what it was like to truly be loved. But you didn’t love me either. And that’s okay. We were caught up in the moment. It felt good and so we titled it as love. It doesn’t mean what we had wasn’t fun and exciting; it just means that is all it was.

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