Unless These 13 Things Are True, He’s Probably Not Trying To Be Your Boyfriend

Before you start calling yourself his girlfriend, make sure that he’s stepping up to the plate and showing that he’s really into you and on the same page. Otherwise, you might be holding out for absolutely nothing. If you don’t notice these things happening, those high hopes you have may soon be dashed:

  1. No topic is off-limits for discussion. A guy who’s serious about you isn’t afraid to talk about more serious things, like his goals, values, and what he wants his life to be like in future. This is a way for him to see where you’re at and to forge connections with you. Plus, if he mentions you as part of those future plans, you can pretty much count on the fact that he’s serious about you. If not, well… it’s not a good sign.
  2. He tells you exactly how he feels. After a few dates, he should know what he wants from you, and he should start to show you as well as tell you how he feels. Basically, he should make it clear that he’s attracted to you and wants things to develop so you know you’re heading somewhere real, not a dead-end.
  3. He’s a total gentleman — and not just because he wants to get laid. This isn’t about chivalry, but real, deep-seated respect. If he’s happy to let you set the pace of the relationship and goes out of his way to make sure you don’t feel pressured into doing anything you’re not ready for, you know you’ve got a good guy who’s trying to build something real with you. The best thing is when a guy shows how much he’s attracted to you while still being a gentleman because he doesn’t want to put you off.
  4. Other women aren’t even on his radar. Of course he treats other women with kindness and respect, but if you’re out together and there are lots of hot women around, he’ll be ignoring them instead of drooling over them. Why? He only has eyes for you. This is a clear sign that he’s a one-woman man — YOUR one-woman man. If he’s still checking out every woman who catches his eye, he’s clearly not ready for you (or he’s just a jerk).
  5. He asks the deep questions. Anyone can ask you what you do for a living, but it takes a guy who’s really interested in you to go deeper than the common, boring questions. He wants to know why you’re in the career you’re in, what you like about it, what you dislike about it, what your passions are, and so on.
  6. He contacts you to chat — you don’t have to initiate every time. He doesn’t only call you to make date plans or booty call you late at night. He hits up your phone just to see how your day was and to chat about what you’re up to, your weekend plans, etc. Sometimes he even just calls to hear your voice. That’s what a boyfriend does.
  7. He progresses to higher levels of contact as time goes on. From texting regularly after your first date, he slowly moves up to calling you, adding you on social media, and so on. It’s clear that he’s upping his game and continuing to make an effort to be a part of your life rather than pulling away little by little so the letdown is easier when he breaks your heart.
  8. He values your opinions. He doesn’t have to agree with all of them, but he does have to respect your opinions and be interested to hear them. It shows he’s not only interested in what you’re about, butalso that he’ll mentally challenge you, which is a must in a relationship.
  9. He’d rather stay in with you than hit the party scene. Although it’s good that he has a life apart from you, he’s not going to be ditching you so he can hang out with his friends at the club or bar. He finds staying in with you and watching your favorite TV shows together much more fun than being a social butterfly, which shows that he’s the kind of guy who will protect your quality time together.
  10. He shares his interests with you. If he’s into adventure sports, he invites you to try bungee-jumping the next time he goes. If he likes going scuba diving, he offers you lessons so you can take a scuba diving vacation together. He includes you in his passions because he loves spending time with you, and he’s all about sharing his life with you.
  11. He cares about your loved ones. He doesn’t just want to meet your friends and family — he takes a genuine interest in who they are. Heck, even if some are annoying, he makes an effort to get along with them because he cares about you so much. If it’s important to you, it’s important to him — at least if he’s boyfriend material.
  12. He asks you to stay the night. When you’re at his place, spending time and perhaps even having sex, he either asks you to sleep over or automatically assumes you will, because why wouldn’t you? He doesn’t expect you to leave the minute sex is over or make lame excuses for some chore he has to rush out and do. He wants to spend as much time as possible with you.
  13. He’s consistent. He doesn’t fire up your phone one week only to disappear on you the next. He wants a relationship with you, so he knows how important it is to be consistent. He texts and call regularly without leaving you hanging or giving you mixed messages. Those are the common signs of a loser, but this guy’s the real deal.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.